When I See You Smile

Yesterday was our final ultrasound and my IM was there to see her sweet baby on the screen. Her face was priceless. I hope she does not mind me blogging about her reaction, but I think it's so critical to explaining why surrogacy was for me.

I try to keep her updated through weekly emails with her baby's progress, through pictures, phone calls, emails, texts, anything I can think of to tell her how her baby is growing. Sometimes I get to talk to IF too, but this is all so new to him that I think it feels a bit "make-believe" as it did for my husband with our first. When IF got to feel her move and as he's seen things brought into the house, I think it's being more and more real for him. None of those updates can compare to watching your child on a screen. I think that was such a powerful moment for my IM. She already adores this little girl so much, but I think seeing her sweet puckered lips and her full cheeks on that screen makes it easier for her to imagine bringing her home.

We also ran around the hospital a bit and got her familiar with where I will be delivering and where to go when the big day comes. She will be the petite blonde flying through the halls followed by a tall, dark-headed man yelling, "E, wait!!"

Every ultrasound with this pregnancy has been amazing and special for me, but yesterday, my eyes were locked on my IM's face while hers were focused on that screen, absorbing every detail. We got an estimate that the baby weighs around 4 lbs., 4 oz. right now. She's got full cheeks and likes to suck her thumbs. Her hands stayed around her face almost the entire ultrasound. She also likes to breathe. The tech said not all babies do that at this point and some only do it for spurts, but Baby L is a breather! I hope that means her lungs are getting lots of practice (remember, I am not the one having to wake up to those squeals at night!) E sat there and cried happy tears and thanked me, repeatedly, for my role in this. I thanked her for the privilege and we both had a good moment of it hitting us that we have really done it. We're almost to the end and then their journey can begin.

Here's my latest belly shot. Really starting to fill out these shirts here lately! Oh, the update from my OB appointment: I am measuring at 32 weeks, which is great. (Little tidbit for those that aren't "in the know" but your belly should measure, in cms, according to your week. So, if you're 31 weeks, your belly should measure about 31 cms.) I've lost a pound, which is okay b/c it's due to the changes in my eating habits. We're not trying to put me on a restrictive diet or anything, just changing what's going in and making bites count. :)

Sweet Caroline

Just call me Caroline because I'm a little too sweet for my own good. My glucose test came back with borderline numbers so I've got to take it easy on the carbs, the sugars and up the protein. I also need to start exercising. This would not be such sucky news except that I've been on exercise restriction this whole pregnancy and now, I'm 6 months pregnant and it's super hot in August and I cancelled my gym membership that I wasn't going to be able to use in the forseeable future. Alas, I will not be discouraged. I've got some pregnancy yoga videos and I can walk on the treadmill at home. My family will just have to leave me alone for an hour or so...hey, that might not be so bad! I am also anemic so I'll be adding Iron, twice a day, to my regimen of prenatals and Calcium (my mom has Osteoporosis so I have to take precautions since sweet little babies suck out all your nutrients!) That might be why I've been tired lately. I just chalked it up to working FT, running after 3 little ones and being pregnant in the summer. Who knew there was an excuse to my laziness! :)

Anyway, if you're a long-time lurker, first time commenter, get to it. How sweet it is to be loved by you. (I just had to throw that in!)

Sugar, Oh Honey, Honey

Hey everyone, it's me again! Back so soon? It's just that kind of a week. I haven't gotten results back from my glucose test but usually, no news is good news. I did have an OB check-up on Tuesday and everything's going well. I'm measuring right at 29 weeks like I should be so that's great. We did, finally, go over the results of the ultrasound I had back in June after the wreck. At that ultrasound, my placenta was low-lying. I've talked to a bunch of women that have had this and it almost always corrects itself as the uterus grows and the placenta moves away from the cervix. (Feel like you're in Biology class again?) If it doesn't, then we'll need to do a c-section as the placenta can cause a lot of bleeding if it's torn. No bueno. So, we are doing another ultrasound to check its position and be sure it's moved. The bonus is, E and maybe J, will get to come in for that ultrasound!! YAY! They have not been able to be at any of them and that bummed me out a little. I videoed some of them and put them on speaker with the others, but it's not the same as being live! I'm thrilled that they'll get this opportunity and optimistic about the placenta issue so no worries there.

So, that's my update for the week! I'll post a belly shot as soon as I get some make-up on and my hair tamed. This heat has been brutal and I feel like I'm always sweating. Ick!

Oh what a beautiful morning...

On Wednesday, we will be 29 weeks pregnant. The time really has flown by and I almost don't notice it until I realize it's time for another belly shot. My family and I are going to visit my IPs this weekend. I'm so excited about this trip because they will get to feel Baby L move!!! I sent IM a video of my stomach, but it's kind of hard to see, so I can't wait for her and IF to be able to see their daughter's movements and to be able to feel her dance around in her little home away from home.

I'm also excited to see how baby L responds to their voices. We've been doing the Belly Buds for a few weeks now and I love to tell E&J how their baby responds. I think E's voice is soothing to her and she tends to kick and move in a more fluid motion when listening to the books her mom's recorded for her. When J's recording comes on, she gets a little livelier and her jabs are a little more excited. Maybe she already knows it's "fun daddy" time?? Either way, I hope to help reinforce that bond between her parents and her with the sounds of their voices. I have to remind my husband and children that it's "quiet time" when I'm playing the recordings to her so she can just focus on E&J's voices. Secretly, I like this time too b/c it allows me to read or just rest for about an hour without interruption! I ALMOST miss the PIO injections b/c I got an hour to myself on the heating pad after injecting...never thought I would say that.

So, we'll hit the road on Saturday morning and spend the day with my IPs. Sunday, we'll head back sometime around noon. My old co-worker's wife just had a baby so I want to snuggle up on him before we head home. He was 9 lbs., 13 oz. Ouch. The "biggest" baby I've ever had was 7lbs., 15 oz. and although she was my easiest delivery (they all were pretty easy), I can't imagine pushing another 2 lbs. out of there. So, baby L, if you're taking notes, grow nice and big and strong, but I wouldn't mind if you were kind of petite like your mama. ;)

Tomorrow, I have my 3 hour glucose tolerance test. I had some slightly elevated levels with my first daughter and had gestational diabetes. I learned a lot from that pregnancy and haven't had any issues with GD since then, but darn if I don't always fail the 1 hour test. So, I asked my OB if I could just skip right to the 3 hr test and she said that made sense. For those that are unfamiliar, this is a routine test where you drink something like flat orange soda or coke. You chug it within 10 mins., try not to throw it up and then you wait as your body freaks out about the amount of sugar you just scarfed down on an empty belly. Oh yes, you have to fast my dears. They draw your blood at the beginning and then three more times on the hour. I'm loading up on water today b/c it sucks if you're slightly dehyrated and they have to go hunting for veins. I usually pass the time reading a book or something. At the end of the test, I head over and scarf as much protein as I can and go on about my merry way. My IM might be joining me for this appointment if she can get away. She's been busy with the new house and getting some classes out of the way that she needs to take. (I don't think there will be as much time for that after the baby. I think she knows this all too well!) So, I've also made plans to eat lunch with a friend in case IM can't make it.

That's really all that's going on here. It's hot. Like, super hot and humid and I sweat just getting into the car hot. I've gained 20 lbs. and I wasn't Olive Oil to begin with so I feel like I'm in a fat suit, in summer. So, if you see me walking around and I'm huffing and puffing, don't pay me much mind, I'm just gestating a human. :)

6 months!

Happy 6 mths to E&J! Your little girl is just 3 months away! :)

In just a few months, we'll be meeting baby L. I had a pregnancy dream last night that I had her and E&J never showed up. I was waiting for them and I finally asked Al, my husband, if he had called them and he said, "Oh, whoops! I forgot!" It was a pregnancy nightmare!!! :) Thankfully, that's not how the real delivery will go! In fact, DH won't even be there. My dear friend, Amy, has offered to take me to the hospital so my family can stay on their routine with school, daycare and work. She lives a few blocks over and our girls go to the same school so we'll be all set with bags packed that last month. E&J are about 3.5 hrs away from where I'll be delivering and I'm about an hour away. By the time I get a room and get all checked in and hooked up, they'll likely be driving up to the hospital and listening to elevator music! I can see E taking the stairs though...running through the hospital saying, "My baby's coming!!!!!!!" :) She is so very excited and it's cute to see her looking at baby clothes and gear.

In other "Surrogacy" news...two funny things have happened to me lately. While walking up to Cherry Berry, a local DIY yogurt place, I overhead a conversation about surrogacy that went something like this:

Boy: So, you're going to have twins?
Girl: Well yeah, probably. I mean, with surrogacy, you put like four up there to help the odds and stuff so I'll probably get pregnant with twins or something.

(Insert giant eye roll here) If it hadn't been 9:30PM after a long movie with my daughter and had my child not run off to talk to a friend of hers, I might've stopped to educate a bit. Hopefully, this girl is just in the beginning stages of researching surrogacy and hasn't actually talked to a clinic or RE yet. Otherwise, she would know that is NOT how you do it in surrogacy. Or not how you should, at least.

The second experience I had was at Freebirds in Pearland last night. (Best burrito place, ever. Don't come at me with your Chipotle love because I'm not feeling it) My burrito makers are talking about someone who was going to be doing surrogacy and I had some minutes to spend this time so I said, "It's so funny that you're talking about it surrogacy because I'm a surrogate." One burrito making guy came around the counter and rubbed my belly. It's a good thing that strangers rubbing my belly doesn't bother me but it took me by surprise! He then asked, "How much are they paying you?" which is the question I always get in some form or another. The other girl said, "I hear you can make a lot of money doing that." I spent a little time answering their questions and they both wished me well with my baby-baking. The guy even wanted to know when I was due and asked if it was a girl or boy. :) It's interesting that surrogacy is getting more popular. I wish it was more accurate and positive buzz being spread, but I realized that I have the power to do that.

I've had at least a dozen people tell me, "Oh, I have a friend that's doing that" in the last 6 months and it's almost odd how commonplace it seems! Here I thought that people would be surprised to hear what I was doing, although I do get a lot of, "I've never met one of you!" comments from strangers. I think people don't always know what to say and that's okay. I'm giving them a glimpse into my world and what it's like and I'm happy to answer questions. It's part of being a surrogate.

Until next time, I'll leave you with our latest belly shot. :)

Just Another Day in Paradise

Hey y'all! I haven't blogged in a while and some of you were even sweet enough to notice!! A couple of you even emailed me which was really nice and made my day. Thank you! :)

So, we are now 23 weeks and 3 days! Can you believe this all started with two little embryos?? E&J are so excited and are preparing for their baby girl's arrival. (E, my IM, is busy buying things for her and J is busy thinking about being outnumbered by the ladies!)

I was lucky enough to spend a day with E&J and their family a couple of weeks ago. It was a whirlwind trip as I also had a baby shower and a surrogate dinner to attend (Tnot as formal as it sounds. There aren't any awards or speeches given out, just a bunch of ladies that are either about to be pregnant, are in the midst of a journey or have completed one having dinner and comparing stories. It's always a lunch or dinner because most of us are hungry!)

I dropped some friends off at the airport in Houston for a Vegas bachelorette party for my friend, Haley. I told them to drink one for me and then headed to Austin to my IPs' place for a visit. My IM met me with a huge hug and it was so good to see her. I've only seen her twice since transfer and it had been too long! She was so sweet to stock the house with pickles and snickerdoodles (two of my cravings) and made sure I had lots of fluffly pillows. I felt very spoiled. This trip was kid and husband free and though I missed them, it was nice to slow down and just be able to hang out with my IPs. Despite the hot, hot Texas weather, we ventured out for lunch, manicures and pedicures. This was definitely a treat and I went back to their house for a nap after meeting IF's little sister and her boys. She was a sweetheart and I can see why she and my IM are so close. Her youngest is my boy's age and they share a mutual love of video games so I had a nice visit with him Friday night.

Dinner was served (so yummy!!) after the guests arrived and we sat around visiting. IF's mother, 2 of his sisters and his childhood nanny were all in attendance and it was a great group. Everyone was incredibly nice to me, which was so great b/c I was sweating bullets wondering if they'd like me. Was I smart, funny, pretty, witty, tall, talkative, , and kind enough to carry their precious family member? I so wanted them to like me and instantly felt better once dinner started and it felt like I was amongst friends.

The next morning, the three of us had breakfast and then did a little shopping (Father's Day was the next day so I had some last-minute purchases to make) and then I had to say good-bye and headed out to the baby shower for my friend and his wife. This was followed by an amazing dinner with some great ladies and a drive home to my husband and kids who were glad to have me back. :) The house was in pretty good condition too and only one very minor injury! Great job, Dad!

We are so thankful to have things going so smoothly. I still feel great and besides being a little tired, I have no complaints. (Hey, I don't have to suck in anymore and everyone thinks my belly's cute now!)

I should mention that I am thankful for wonderful IPs. They have been so good to me and for every question and concern about the baby, there's been the same for me and I can't tell you how that makes me feel. I know this journey's intent was to bring a baby into the world for them, but I've watched too many surrogates being treated like a box that the IP's new toy came in. We go into surrogacy with no guarantees and we try not to put too many expectations on the relationship afterwards as no one can predict exactly how they will feel. The concern that my IPs have shown for my family and me shows what wonderful people they are and further confirms what great parents they would be. Every surrogate should be so lucky.

Four more months and they will have their baby L in their arms and I cannnot explain what that day will mean to me. I pick out presents for my husband and children and almost squeal as they open them wondering if they'll like what I've picked out. I plan for months in advance for birthday and Christmas presents because I take such joy in giving something and seeing someone's expression. This will truly be the epitome of giving a gift and the look on their faces will be such a joy to see. Hearing my IM talk about her baby girl with a look of love and wonder on her face after waiting years for her makes me want to push fast forward on the clock! Alas, these last few months are critical so we will fill that time with talking, dreaming and of course, shopping!

One of the most recent purchases my IM made was Belly Buds! I really want the baby to know her mom and dad's voices so they're busy making recordings of books so that I can play them to her. Check them out!

I'll leave you with our latest belly picture. I really need a haircut and some makeup but here I am!

Things I don't have to worry about

One of the perks of surrogacy is not having to worry about a lot of things. I loved expecting each of my children. I loved planning and dreaming and wondering what they would look like, smell like, feel like. I made plans for them in my head and space for them in my heart. With my youngest and our last, I knew it would be the last time I dreamed and planned for a child to take home. My husband and I agreed to have another child because we felt like we wanted just one more baby to complete our family and we were right. She perfectly complements our other two children and we adore them all.

So what is it like this time? Pregnancy and motherhood are filled with many good things. Here are some of those things I don't have to worry or think about this time. I am not knocking parenthood by any means, but the reason I look so carefree and rested is because I do not have the added stress of the following things this time:

Midnight feedings-Guess what!? After I have this baby, I will not have to get up every 3 hours to make sure she has eaten. I will not wonder how many ounces is right and I will not have to stalk the nurses to be sure they don't stick a pacifier in her mouth. :) All of that will be her mommy and daddy's experience to go through. I will sleep through the night, not have the baby monitor on and I will heal more quickly because of it.

Car seat arrangement-Fitting 2 booster seats and car seat in the middle of my mini-van is a tight squeeze, but we fit. However, I am thankful that no one is expected to have to sit in the third row. Can you imagine me trying to pull out the booster and moving the seat everytime, just to get a kid back there? No, thank you! I do not have to research car seats or pick out prints or decide which infant carrier to bring her home in. (I would love to see the car seat my IPs have picked out though!)

The nursery-My husband and I have always agreed on themes so it was quite easy for us to pick this out for our kids. However, the actual painting of the rooms, switching out of cribs for toddler beds and hanging of wall border was tedious. We enjoyed it but it is nice to not have to prepare our home and move it all around to bring another baby home. Adding a guest room to our house so we are ready for when they come visit sounds like fun though! :)

Daycare-Have you looked at the costs of daycare lately? I'm glad I only have 2 in daycare at a time. Our babysitter is AMAZING and she probably doesn't make any money off our kids because she's constantly buying them things. She's just like family, we couldn't be more blessed.

Parenting Decisions-buy babyfood or make it? Cloth or disposable diapers? Breast milk or formula? Dr. Brown's bottles or Avent? Bow or no bow? (The answer is always going to be, "Bow!") Crib or bassinet? Pears or Green Beans? Teething or Ear Infection?

The reason for my post today is not to complain about those parts of pregnancy/expecting. They are fun and exciting and they are the ways we pass 9 mths of anticipation while we wait for our little ones. I simply mean that I have had my turn and am able to pass the torch to another set of parents while I enjoy 9 months of growing a healthy baby. My friends and family keep asking how I'm feeling and I almost always answer with, "Great!" I am thankful for an easy pregnancy, a healthy baby and great IPs.

We had our OB appt. last Thursday and I was able to see my IM for the first time since transfer. It was a wonderful appointment and she and my OB got to visit and get to know one another. IM is going to suit up at delivery and bring baby Lera into the world all by herself. She will literally be able to say, "I brought you into this world, child!" Her heartbeat was nice and strong and she's an active little one. She was moving all over the place! We go back on June 7th for another ultrasound and peek at this little one.

I Enjoy Being a Girl

Well, we had our 6th ultrasound of the pregnancy and saw one sweet little healthy baby girl in there yesterday. She was measuring perfectly at 13 weeks, 6 days and had a heart rate of 147.

Naturally, my IPs were so excited to hear that their baby looked great and even more thrilled that we are 90% sure it's a girl. (Because there are always those surprise babies!) My OB had indicated that she thought it was a girl a few weeks ago in her office. It's always so neat to find out the gender. A huge package waiting to be unwrapped on Christmas morning! I found out with two of my three babies. The last baby was a surprise as we had one of each already. She was a girl. ;) Apparently girls like it in there as I am 3 for 4! I'm going to start calling it my loverly, frilly uterus. :)

I'm Gonna Be-500 Miles

We've reached a milestone! 13 weeks! That's the end of the first trimester. Don't quibble over small details...if you check a dozen books, you'll get a dozen answers as to when the end of the first trimester is, but I say, it's 13 weeks. :)

The baby's major organs are in place, he/she is kicking (and I have been feeling it for the past 2 weeks!) and might even be sucking his/her thumb! Aww, what a cute image. I honestly cannot complain about anything today because it's all going so smoothly. Baby's great, I feel great (if just a little fat, but I'm still blaming it on the fertility meds-carbs?? What, me?? No way!) Our next OB appointment is on the 12th of May. E should be there at that one and I'm so excited. I'll pretty much sit back and let her pepper the OB with questions. I big puffy heart (thanks LOO) my OB!!! She is just the kind of doctor that will grab the phone and give your mom directions around Houston while she checks your progression in labor. She will give her recommendation for the best low-fat crust for making pizza and she stands a little too close to my bubble and I always feel like she's about to hug me. Okay, I don't really love the last part but it does make me want to giggle at the end of every appointment because I keep thinking how inappropriate it would be if she DID hug me! Did I tell y'all the story about the nurse I almost hugged in the ER? When I went in for the bleeding, the triage nurse was trying to comfort me saying if it was a miscarriage, I could try again and all I could do was cry because I was so worried about E&J and their baby/babies and I was a mess. She said, "oh, sweetie, it's going to be alright" and got up out of her chair and came towards me with arms wide open. I really needed that hug so I started to hug her but she was actually reaching for the blood pressure cuff above my head. I think I played it off well, but I'm sure that's not the craziest thing to have happened in the ER.

Anyway, I keep going off on tangents. I'm excited about E&J coming back home. They've had lots of changes in the past couple of months and almost all of them have been great, so I want them to start settling in and getting comfortable in their Texan way of life. It's hard to believe that we're 1/3 of the way to our goal of bringing their baby into the world. Did I mention that my OB will let my IM deliver the baby? How cool is that? She'll be all suited up and will literally bring her child into the world. My husband did this with our last two kiddos and he said it was just beyond words. When we filled out the "delivered by" in their baby books, he put "Daddy." I do believe he was quite proud of that. E was tickled when I told her she'd be able to do it too (barring no complications of course). I respectfully requested that J stay above the border for the birth but I might not care once I get my epidural. Oh sweet, sweet epidural, you will be my labor partner once again and allow me to sleep, chat and eat ice chips in all their glory. Have I told you about my love for ice?

So, other than that, not much is going on. I'm anxiously awaiting a massage as my back has been hurting. It's not from the pregnancy, just poor posture mostly. My drill teach coach would be disappointed...but not surprised. I've always slouched. My middle child does it too. A massage sounds heavenly though and the last time I got one was from my 6 year old walking around on my back. (It's actually a lot more effective than it sounds!)

Here's this week's belly shot. Bear in mind that this is about 3/4 pre-baby bulge, but I love that everyone says, "Awwww, look at that cute belly" instead of "Ewww, pop in an Abs of Steel DVD, lady!" :) Thank you, baby!

How Does It Feel?

We are 12 weeks today! Almost done with the first trimester. I had my first OB visit on Monday and everything's great. The nurse and OB had a hard time finding the heartbeat though. My OB didn't want me to worry so she had me come in the next morning for a quickie ultrasound at her office. It was an antiquated Ultrasound machine, but she just uses it to check position of the baby mainly. It did the trick for us though and we saw a nice, strong heartbeat. Instant relief. It's hard not to worry about something like that. Had it been my own child, I wouldn't have thought much about it (especially because I can feel this little one moving around!) but the added pressure of carrying for someone else makes your mind wander. Don't get me wrong, that is part of what you sign up for in surrogacy, I just want to help potential surrogates know what it's like.

My IPs are out of the country right now so we're corresponding through email. It's odd not to hear E's voice everyday!! She and I usually chat away incessantly. They are having a good time though so I am happy for them. When they get back, they will be here in Texas and we are all super excited for this. It means they will be able to come to the appointments more easily and really be in on everything.

So, now that the baby is growing, moving, thriving, people have started asking me how I feel about it all. It's an odd thing to describe because not everyone can put themselves in the shoes of a surrogate. Not everyone was designed to be one so it can be hard for people to imagine not having that maternal connection to a child you are so intimately aware of. I will say that it is always amazing to see a baby on that screen in the doctor's office. I am and will always be awed by it. This time, as opposed to my three babies, it was as if I was looking at someone else's experience from the outside. True, this baby is in me, nurtured by me, but I don't feel any sense of ownership or mothering towards the baby. Do I want him/her to be healthy? Do I watch what I eat, drink, do, etc.? YES. Probably moreso than with MY children. So, while I care for this baby's well-being in the most extreme way, I do not feel that pull that was there with each of my children. The day is not spent dreaming of names, nurseries, baby clothes. As callous as it sounds, I look at my 3 and think, "I am glad you are not coming home with me little one!" As it should be, he/she will be delivered into his/her parents' loving arms and I will never have an ounce of regret for that. It will be one of my greatest accomplishments in life, besides my own children, of course.

Some women have hard, long, trying pregnancies. One of the unofficial pre-requisites for surrogates is easy pregnancies. There are some of us that are real troopers and fight morning sickness and myriad other symptoms, but for some of us, pregnancy really is a fun, easy time. I am one of those lucky ones and I am so glad to be able to use my forces for good. :) I've had minimal nausea, I'm off of meds now so my hiney's recovering and aside from being cranky, I really have no complaints. :) I do dream of ice chips, but that's at least another several months away! :D

Short and Sweet Update

It's been a while since I've updated. I didn't intend to be so lax but time certainly does march on with or without you. We've have 3 more ultrasounds since our visit to the ER and in each one but the last, baby B had been growing and had a stronger heartbeat. The last ultrasound, on March 24th (my IM's birthday) revealed to us that Baby A was to be a singleton and E&J's precious baby B had stopped growing. It was a heavy day for our hearts but we knew that it was always a possibility. After we shed our tears for baby B, we moved on to focusing on that perfect remaining baby that had always thrived and began to celebrate his/her progress.

Since this is a surrogacy blog, I will share some of my feelings here so that other surrogates or those pursuing surrogacy can see what this part is like. Laying on the table and watching the sonographer talk about baby A was wonderful. I knew that no matter what, E&J would have a sweet, healthy baby but I could see that baby B's sac was not getting any larger. When she told me that there was no heartbeat, my own heart felt like it had stopped b/c I immediately felt so bad for E&J. We always have them on speakerphone for the ultrasounds and even though we had prepared, mentally, my heart was not ready to ready to hear it. I felt like I had disappointed them, let them down, that my body was somehow at fault or that I had messed up all of their dreams. Logically, I knew that there was nothing I could've done or not done to cause it, but regardless, they had placed their "eggs" in my "basket" and it was my job to grow them. I felt so sad. I gave E&J a little time to take it in and talk and later that morning, E called me back and I asked how she was. When I heard that she was dealing with it okay, I was able to breathe a little easier and start to feel a little less at fault. E assured me that she was so thankful for what I was doing and they knew I had given that baby the best chance and that meant the world to me. This is not something I take lightly and even though this is not my baby, I still feel as protective as ever of his/her well-being and responsible for whatever happens.

So, they are happy and thankful to be expecting a little bundle of joy in October. This will make the pregnancy less risky, the singleton will have a much better chance of being born full-term and without a trip to the NICU and of course, this will be less stress on my body which cannot be overlooked. Surrogates sign up for myriad things and we accept these risks. It is always nice to have a nice "boring" 9 months, however. :)

We have our first OB appointment on April 11th and my last shot is tonight! It is hard to believe that I am already 25% done with this pregnancy! I am eagerly awaiting that gender-revealing ultrasound to see if our suspicions are correct. :) (We are thinking pink!)

Tell Me Something Good

There is nothing quite like sitting in the Emergency Room, puffy-eyed with tears and worry decorating your face and waiting for the doctor that will tell you if your dreams will continue or if something terrible has happened.

Thursday night, we had a bit of a scare. Don't worry, things are okay, but it was a long night. I had just taken a shower and laid down to read when I felt a gush of fluid. I reached down and my pajamas were soaked in blood. I immediately start to cry, grab a pad and call anyone and everyone I could think of that would help me figure out what to do. Logically, I knew that if I was miscarrying, there was nothing I could do, but trying explaining that to a heart. A million thoughts rushed through my head with the worst being, "How will I tell E&J?" I decided not to call them until I had some sort of news. I didn't know how the night would end and I had nothing but worry to share at that moment, and I thought that I could at least protect them from that. My kids were in bed and I knew I didn't want to expose them to everything up at the ER. I wasn't even sure if they would do anything and I hated for my whole family to have a long night, so I drove myself. I texted a couple of friends and asked for prayers. If you'll recall, I met a local surrogate, Jennifer, for coffee one night where she offered to stab me in the hiney with a large needle even before meeting me face-to-face. Well, on our second meeting, she literally walked into the dismal ER waiting room and gave me a hug that I so badly needed and figuratively held my hand through the next hour or so while I waited to be seen.

I will say that the hospital down here is not known for its swift action. That night, however, a nurse must've taken pity on me because not only did she make the ultrasound tech stick around, she also took such good care of me and got me back quickly, even though it was the end of what was probably a very long shift. I am so thankful for that. The ultrasound tech took me back and started the ultrasound. I was 6 weeks and 1 day pregnant with twins. Yes, you read that right, we are pregnant with twins!! She checked for any signs of miscarriage and found none. What she did find was a heartbeat on baby A, a gestational sac measuring 6 weeks, 3 days and a fetus measuring 6 weeks with a heartbeat of 117 (perfect). As for the other sac, she measured it to be 5 weeks, 5 days and while she couldn't grab the heartbeat on that one (it is still extremely early to see heartbeats at all and this one is a few days behind the other, developmentally, but this is common), she did see a yolk sac and part of the baby, but it was up against the wall of the uterus and the machine was ancient and grainy. We feel confident we'll see the heartbeats on Wednesday.

Thankfully, our bleeding stopped that night and the cramping subsided the next day after I took some time off and rested. I still feel nauseated and tired so my hope is that this was a tiny bump in the road and the rest of the journey will be smooth-sailing.

It was a bittersweet call to make to IM as I knew she would be worried/relieved/excited all in the same breath. I started the phone call with, "Everything's fine but..." and relayed the details. She was thankful that we were all okay and then it hit us all that they're having twins!!!! It is still all surreal. I've been on the net all weekend looking up the differences between singleton and multiples. Information has always been my friend.

So, if you find yourself with a few minutes, please send us a prayer or good thought that these babies, who are so very loved and wanted already, grow big (enough to be healthy!! and then they can stop! haha) and healthy and that we all stay safe.

Long Time Gone

Wow, has it really been two weeks since I last posted? I guess life got ahold of me. My baby girl turned one and my husband turned 31 all in the same week. I also have a side business where we do singing princess parties and we had two of those this past weekend. Needless to say, my life's been busy!

Here's our latest news...we are pregnant!! Okay, okay, you already knew that, but it's still new to me. :) We had a beta to test for hCG levels on Weds., the 16th. Everyone's levels are different, so there's not really much to tell by them except when you watch them increase. Ideally, you want your levels to double every 48-72 hours. Our 1st beta came back with 197 and our follow up beta was that Friday and it came back at 511. Great numbers!! So, we continue with our estrogen twice a day and one PIO shot every night until 10 weeks. I am 6 weeks today and have had 29 PIO shots. I am tolerating them really well. There are moments in each day where you will find me scratching at my hips because I am itchy and I do have a couple of small lumps, but I really feel like I've gotten off pretty easy with these shots. This was my worst fear and now, I can kick it to the curb! I've got 28 more shots left so I am more than halfway done.

I am getting up to pee at night sometimes, I can't walk by the seafood department without holding my nose now and motion sickness is in full bloom. Other than feeling a little "full" down there and having some achiness in the girls, I'm pretty much normal. I won't start to show for several weeks, but I'll admit, that's my favorite part. :)

In exactly one week, I will go in for an ultrasound. Can you believe we'll be able to see the heartbeat(s) by then? We will also get to see if both of the embryos took or if one decided to stay in there. Unfortunately, E&J cannot make it. It's hard to fly back and forth like that so they're going to wait until the "Big" ultrasound and hope to be able to come then. I am going to film it for them and I hope to be able to stream it live. I think that would be really cool!! My friend, A, is going to go with me that day since they can't be there. I also get to meet up with my surro friend, C. She is having her transfer on the day before and is staying a few miles down the road. I can't pass up an opportunity to see a fellow surro.

So, that is our excitement for now. :) E&J and I Skyped the other night and it was great to see their excitement. This is just an amazing feeling!! According to babycenter, the baby is the size of a sweet pea. Hello little sweet pea(s)!!!! Meet you in October!!

It's a Beautiful Day

What a beautiful day. The sun was shining, the birds were singing and did I mention that today I got to tell my IPs that they are going to be parents???


I got this beauty on Saturday morning. Five days past our five-day transfer (5dp5dt)


And these loverlies are from today (8dp5dt). We are preggo!!!!!!!!! More importantly, E&J are preggo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Telling E was amazing. It was beyond anything I'd imagined. It was real and it was genuine joy. It is the reason I am doing this and as I was getting my shot today, I focused on that sound of her celebrating and I smiled.

Later on in the day, I got to talk to J and he was so happy. He actually congratulated me and I thought that was cute. Congratulations to YOU, J!!! :) It's your big day!!

It's a beautiful day, don't let it get away.

A Little Q&A, not to be confused with T&A!

Since finding out about the surrogacy, a lot of people have posed questions to me. Some are funny, some are rude and some are down right out there. I think every surro-blogging sister of mine has a Q&A of sorts with the crazy questions she gets. I don't get offended by questions because I try and remember that most people know nothing about surrogacy and it's such a different thing than they've ever encountered. So, I try and answer them as best as I can. If there are any you would like answered, please feel free to post them in the comments section! :) I, or likely any surro that follows this thread, would be happy to answer them.

1. If it is twins, do you get to keep one? If the answer to this one was "yes," I would've bowed out before it started. We would never keep someone else's baby just like we would never go into your house and steal your child and we would never babysit for someone and say, "Looks like you got your hands full there; do you just want us to keep this one?" So the answer is no. We don't want to keep the baby(ies) nor are we allowed to, thank God. :)
2. Is this how you're going to make a living from now on? I'm going to stick with the "no" answer again for a few reasons. One, I do not make enough from surrogacy to live on (it's like $2.23/hr if you want to look at it that way). Second, a surrogacy "paycheck" is not guaranteed and should not be used to change your lifestyle. At best, it is about a year of your time and please don't mistake this for resentment. I am very appreciative of the compensation and what it means for my family, but it is not the life-changing amount people think it is. You can easily Google how much a first time surrogate can make and get an average, so I won't spell out my comp. amount here. Suffice it to say that although I am good at having babies, it's more of a hobby than a career goal. :)
3. What will you tell your kids? We spoke to our 6 yr old about this long before and our 4 year too, but he wasn't too interested. Rach understands that mommy is growing a baby for E&J because E's tummy is sick. Since babies are put into mommies by God (as that is how it goes at our house, feel free to comment but I won't debate that with you) then God is going to put the baby in our tummy to grow and I will take care of it for E. That's what she knows and she is excited about it. So excited that she told someone the other day, "My mommy's having a baby and she's giving it away!" We quickly revisited that topic and set her straight. :)
4. Won't it be hard to give up the baby? Won't you get attached? This is a question that either makes me feel like I have no soul or that I'm heartless but I know it crosses everyone's mind, so I will explain my feelings. Going into this, I knew that any baby(ies) created would be no more mine than a best friend leaving their dog with me while they are vacation becomes mine. This baby is not mine. Do I get to feel it grow, care for its health and feel it move? Yes. And those things will be amazing. They will be wonderful and I feel privileged that my IPs picked me to do this for them. It still does not make it my baby. As far as the attachment, I love my nieces and nephews fiercely. I would catch a grenade for them (thank you, Bruno Mars)...but would I ever contemplate keeping them when my sister(in-law) or brother(in-law) drops them off? Never. They are not mine. Just because I may care for this/these child(ren), doesn't mean I would feel like they were mine to keep. I hope that helps explain it a bit. Also, it's super illegal to boot! :) And lastly, our hands are full with OUR three babies! Why would I bring someone else's home?? :)
5. Do you know the couple? Well I should hope so! I'm carrying their baby(ies) aren't I? :) But seriously folks...I obviously know them now, but what you're getting at is, did I know them before the surrogacy? No. E and I talked in May of last year and we clicked but we were not aquainted before then. We met through classified ads on a website and "matched." We were looking for the same things, agreed on the "big" issues and decided to start working together. I'm so glad we did.

So, that's it for now. Feel free to send me other questions that pop up. :)

OH!! Their pictures! How did I forget to put this up?? Here are the babies' first pics! :)

No Rain

Life is pretty plain right now. I'm waiting for Weds. when we go get our bloodwork drawn. E has decided (and I totally agree with her) that we should wait for the bloodwork instead of playing the pee-stick game that we thought would be fun. It's much easier on the nerves this way.

Until then, I leave you with a really good song from my youth. :)

Today's blog-brought to you by the letter T (as in Transfer!)

Wow, what an exciting 3 days it has been!! I'm reporting to you, live, from my bed in Dallas, TX. In breaking news, two embryos are snuggling in deep for a nice nine month stay in Chez Cancino. :) The transfer was this morning and it was a quick 15-minute process that made it seem almost too easy!

Saturday morning, we got the call that we had 3 excellent embryos, 2 good embryos and 2 average embryos. My IM called and said we would see them in Dallas on Monday! Al and I dropped the kids off and headed to Bryan/College Station for one last hurrah with the gang.

Sunday morning, we woke up and drove to Dallas on Superbowl Sunday. On our way to Dallas, we had to go through Madisonville. This is where Albert and I started our lives together more than six years ago. We drove right by the Bed and Breakfast where we stayed on our wedding night and had the best ribeye I'd ever had! Luckily for us, they were having brunch so we popped in for a peek at the place.


We got to sit at "our" table and ate the most delicious brunch in the world!!



As we were eating, I mentioned to Al that it was the first time I had ever been there without being pregnant. He said, "Well, you're getting pregnant tomorrow!" And he was right! We snuck upstairs real quick to look at the B&B's old game of Scrabble. Al and I still enjoy playing that game together and I thought we might send E&J a quick message.

("Think Positive" was our new motto for the week!)

We arrived at the hospital, which is a couple of streets down from the RE's clinic, and checked into our rooms (they have guest rooms there). E&J got there shortly after and we all just hung out for a bit. We had dinner at Chuy's (mine and Albert's first time) and became immediate fans!


(Here are E&J, Albert and me. We're enjoying our margaritas!! It was a great "last drink" to have!!!)

So, with excitment and nerves, E & painted our nails green (for good luck!) and somehow got to sleep. We were both up pretty early, but she waited until about 10 to knock on my door. We got some breakfast and then headed to the clinic. Unfortunately, I have a cold today. My nose is runny, my throat is scratchy, but no fever!! So, on with the show. I got to wear a real slammin' outfit:



Then, it was time for the transfer!! The embryologist came in and talked to us about the two embryos they were suggesting we transfer. Everyone was in agreement about putting both in so we went for it. They got me up on the bed and then E, J & Al were put at the head of the bed. They had two monitors to watch. One was for the embryos and we all got to see them being put into the catheder and that was just amazing!!! The other screen was an ultrasound image of my uterus. We saw Dr. C thread that in there and one, two, transferred the embryos into their new little home. I shuffled onto another bed and they wheeled me into a room where we all waited for about an hour. I dressed and then we left. Presto!!



Now, I am on bedrest until tomorrow so I'm taking it easy, reading my Kindle and watching some TV. Our beta is not until Weds., the 16th, but E&J have given me the go ahead to start Peeing on a Stick (POAS) whenever I'm ready! I'm going to try and wait until Friday to do so though. Patience is not one of my strengths.

Until Friday, this is Carmela reporting. Think positive and, good day.

The Heat is On - Glenn Frey

The heat is on at our house because it's 26 degrees outside and yes, this is Texas I'm talking about. The heat is on my hiney because I'm sitting on a heating pad after my (count 'em!) 4th (really 5th) PIO shot. And the heat is on for our transfer because ladies and gentleman, we are almost there!! The embryos are 2 days old today and tomorrow morning, the embryologist will take a peek at them to see how they are doing. Let me backtrack a little. Our ED had her retreival on Wednesday (2nd) and had 15 eggs. Then, they unfroze the sperm and took 15 good ones. Embryos were checked at Day 1 and 7 of them were growing nicely. They did not disturb them today. So, tomorrow, we will get the call letting us know if we need to head on in for a 3 day transfer or if we can hold out until Monday. Now, I'm no embryologist, but to share a little with you, here is a picture of a 3 day embryo (8-cell).

And here is a picture of a 5 day blastocyst.

Now, healthy babies have been born from 3 and 5 day embryos (and other days too, but let's not confuse the issue anymore than it already has been). The clinic we're working with tends to lean towards fresh transfers (not frozen) and 5 day embryos. So, that is where we are.

For now, I am enjoying my time with my babies and avoiding packing. I will have to do it eventually though, so I am finishing this up and getting right on it as I can procrastinate no longer! :) (I had hopes that my husband would do it all for me! HAHA One can dream!)

I will check back with our news tomorrow! Sleep well, my friends!

(P.S. A little trivia...I've taken 72 shots, total, so far. Almost all of those have been the Lupron shots though.)

We Are the Champions

Now is not a time for losers. It's not a time to be timid, it's a time to jab myself in the hip with an inch and a half-long needle! :) One tiny little thing was standing in my way-I'M TERRIFIED OF NEEDLES!!
And guess what??? I DID IT!!!

Remember how I was going to have my husband do it? Well, he was a willing volunteer but I really have been wanting to get this needle phobia out of the way for some time now. I think talking about it, blogging, watching videos, and visiting with the local surro, J, helped me to decide, "I'm gonna do it." I went to my friend, A's house, and she walked me through it.

She helped me get all organized and lay everything out. I am an idiot and I brought the wrong sized syringe so I ended up having to poke myself twice.

As Amber was pumping me up and talking me through it, she turned to her fridge and was saying, "Just do it and go for it and no hesitation." and by the time she turned around, I had done it! "I didn't even feel it!!" I said. She pushed the PIO in for me so I could feel the sensation of it going in and all was well. "Okay, now you do the next one by yourself so you can feel the resistance" A said. I did the second one and she helped me finish off the PIO, but I feel so much better about all of this now! I read so many blogs about the shots because that was really the only hesitation I had about doing surrogacy. Could I really do this? I knew I would do what I needed to get it done, but the feeling of accomplishment I feel right now is pretty darn great! :)

So, I sit here with my massaging heating pad that I got from Amazon and am enjoying my 45 mins. of guilt-free chair time. :)

Mad props to my girl, A. I love ya and thanks for getting me through this!!! I can't wait to show Al how to do it! I think he's going to actually think it's fun!! :) Now, I just have to be nice to him for the next 3 months! haha

Hello Goodbye

Goodbye, Lupron! Hello, Progesterone in Olive Oil (PIO)!

Last night was my last Lupron shot. Remember my little freak out about having to give myself injections? Well, I'm a Lupron-giving fool now!! :) I could do it in my sleep (and have been rather sleepy, at times, and given it right before I crashed into bed!) Well, my friends, today is a new day and it will be a first for this girl. Tonight, one of my very good friends (I still don't know WHICH one! LOL) will be heading over to help teach Al how to do my shots. I had several sweet volunteers so I'm touched (and relieved) to have so many back-ups! :) In case you're wondering, I'll be on 75mg of PIO a night. :)

Last night, I returned to my house around 11:15. Yes! To quote my dear friend, D's, grandmother, I am a dirty stayout!! :) Haha, okay, not really, but I was out late last night. I met my new friend, J! I'm just going to go ahead and call her a friend because we spent every minute of our 2.5 hrs together talking and getting to know each other! She is an amazing person who just delivered her surrobabe 2 weeks ago!! I thought she said 2 MONTHS because she looked so great, but nope, 2 weeks. Also, she has 4 boys! If I had any worries left about being able to do this with 3 kiddos, they were completely erased last night. :) We had such a great visit, we know a lot of the same people and it was just so nice to sit and talk and enjoy one of my last cups of coffee!

I'll return tonight and let you know how the PIO went. :) Toodles!

I'm So Excited...

Wow...let's just say that I'd never seen the video for this song considering it was released around the same time I was born, so pardon the risque nature, but I am so very excited! This time next week, I'll be sitting in a room with 1 or 2 little embies snuggling in real deep!!

The ED is supposed to be doing her trigger shot today. That means that 36 hours from the shot, she will be having her egg retreival (ER)!! ER day is day 0 so on day 5 (Monday) is when our transfer will occur. As you can imagine, I'm on pins and needles (no, seriously, I have to do injections). :) Everytime I see IM's name pop up on my phone, I get so excited and we sit there and talk about how thrilled we are, how we can't wait and how awesome it all is.

Al and I will be heading to Dallas this weekend and I won't lie, I've got my Kindle full of Diana Gabaldon books and I'm ready for a few days sans responsibilities, work, kids and cooking! :) I will miss my babies, but this is like a mini staycation for them too. The baby and Logan are staying with their beloved babysitter and Logan keeps asking, "How many days till I sleep on the mattress at Bebe's??" And Rachel is hanging with her BFF (daughter of one of my best friends) for the week and cannot wait to be like "sisters." I'm very blessed to have people in my life that help me out like they do!! This is only reason why I will be able to have a relaxing and wonderful few days away. Al and I don't get much time where it's just the two of us, and that's okay, but I'm looking forward to finishing a conversation with him without stopping to get someone a PB&J sandwich or some juice! :)

I believe tomorrow is the last of my Lupron and then I will begin PIO!! I took the needles out the other day just to get the feel of them in my hand. My friend is going to come over and help with the first few so that Al can get the hang of it. I already know of a couple of days when he won't be here and I'll have to get someone else to do them for me. Thank God for the nursing school down here. I already have some volunteers lined up because this girl will not be poking herself!! Assuming there's a "next time," perhaps I'll try it then! :)

One more thing, the surrogacy world is such a small world after all. When I first looked into surrogacy, I was completely overwhelmed by all of the information. Did I want to go "indy" or with an agency? What type of couple/single did I want to match with? Gestational or Traditional Surrogate? How many embryos did I want to transfer? What were my thoughts on reduction, termination, multiples, etc.? There was just SO much information. One thing that does stand out in my mind is a woman named Gayle. When I first placed an ad on SMO, she responded to me and I almost worked with her except, at the time, I did not fit their BMI requirements. You've read the beginning of this blog (and if you haven't, you can! :) haha!) so you know how I ended up finding my IPs. Anyway, Gayle stayed in contact with me through all of this and I got to know some of the surrogates she is working with/has worked with through SMO. She emails me every now in then to check in on me, see how things are going and just to be sweet. Fast forward to last week. My friend, A, told me she had a friend that just delivered her first surrobaby and thought we'd mike like to talk. She put me in contact with her friend and we are having coffee tonight! :) I read her blog and she mentioned this Gayle person. It was so late at night so I didn't call her up, but I thought, "this has to be the same Gayle!" (it was) That same day, Gayle sends me an email to say hello and check in b/c she heard from a surro (C) that I was going to be transferring soon. I told her who I was having coffee with and she was tickled pink. :) So, all of this is just to say that the surrogacy world is so very small and this is not the first time where this has happened. Just a neat little anecdote. And just so you know, Gayle is a sweet, sweet lady and I look forward to working with her for my next journey. :)

Okay, I guess that's it for now. I'll post again after that first PIO shot and let you know if I passed out or not! :)

Firework

Long time, no blog? I know, I know. I am not a superstitious person, per se, but I do get that ominous feeling that people get sometimes and am not above succumbing to some outside source of pressure to act as if my actions could somehow jinx the future. So, I cautiously post this in order to update you on the news of our upcoming transfer. :)

We're on!! I can feel the excitement bubbling at the edges of every part of me and I am thrilled to say that even despite a few little bumps in the road (Me not starting my stupid period on time and having to do an ultrasound and pregnancy test (Beta) to confirm there was no pregnancy-there wasn't, Lupron getting lost and having to literally use every last drop I had, ED having slightly elevated Estrogen levels that caused a small, but anxiety-causing delay) we are about 12 days away from our transfer date!!

The ED started her stimulation meds on Friday (21st) and I have been on Lupron and Estrogen. My ultrasound is tomorrow morning and they will check my lining to see if it is getting nice and thick. If it's not quite up to snuff, they will increase my Estrogen from twice a day to thrice per day. (I always wanted to use that word).

So, how am I feeling? Anxious, scared, excited, hopeful, happy, impatient! :) That about sums it up. I was lying in bed next to DH and I told him I was scared (of the needles). He said, "well, it's too late now!" and I lovingly explained, after I (jokingly) punched him, that I wasn't having second thoughts, but I WAS allowed to be scared. I reminded him of each of the times during the last days of our own pregnancies when I would turn to him and say, "I'm scared" and he would reply with his consistent "It's too late now." Of course, I wasn't expressing a desire to not labor and deliver, I was expressing my human reaction to the anticipation of pain and new beginnings. Silly boy. We've never made it this far in a cycle yet, so while I am scared when I think of the needles, I am almost excited about it because I'd like to kind of get it out of the way and know what it's going to be like already. Like any good student, I studied surrogacy and read blog after blog and post after post about injections; what they felt like, how to do them, the resulting lumps, bruises and pain and how to deal/prevent/lessen that. So, naturally, I came across some horror stories as well as some stories to give me courage and hope that I could overcome this needle thing. You'll remember my first Lupron injection and how I sweated that one out. It ended up being nothing and I'm even letting DH give them to me now (another phobia off the list!) It's always been the anticipation that I've feared. So, I am excited to be moving past that point shortly.

We will be heading to Dallas for the transfer and I'll get to see my wonderful IPs again. They are amazing people. If you see the fireworks going off over Dallas around the 5th, you'll know it's because a large amount of awesomeness has entered the city.

I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas

Hello! It's been a few months since I've posted. There hasn't been much going on other than my random everyday life, but we have some new developments on the surrogacy that I thought I'd share with you. We have a date!! Yay!

We are using the ED whose eggs were originally scheduled to appear back in August. IM is ecstatic and I'm tickled that she gets to use the ED she is happy with. I'm getting back on meds and start Lupron again on the 30th. Incidentally, this is also the day that we will be arriving in Santa Fe to spend some time with my IPs!! I am thrilled about this trip!! DH and all the kids will be coming along and it's a 16 hour road trip. This should provide some interesting tales as our little ones are 6, 4 and 10 mths. We will be making plenty of stops to stretch legs, use the potty, take pictures, eat snacks and change diapers along the way. There should be snow while we are there too! If you know anything about the Texas Gulf Coast region then I don't have to tell you that it doesn't snow here...much. It has "snowed" twice since our oldest has been born and she seems to think this is due to her fervent pleas to Santa. Snow, to the kids, is 3 inches of the white stuff. A "snow man" is the little guy you make out of all the "snow" you scraped off the car (the neighbor's car, the mailbox, the driveway, etc.)

(Props to my friend, Jenny, for use of her snowmen pic) This year, we'll get to see real snow. I plan to make a snow angel. It's been at least 10 years since I've last done so. :) The kids are supposed to go sledding. By "the kids," I mean Albert. I might go too, depending on the size of the hill. :)

After we get back, on the 3rd, Al and Rachel go back to school (he works for a school district) and the rest of us go back to our reguarly scheduled programs. Then, we start to prepare for our Jan. 31-Feb. 3rdish transfer!!! This would make us due around the middle of October. A little pumpkin baby!! :)

So, that is what is new in our corner of the world. I will update more as we get closer. For now, I wish you all a Merry, Merry Christmas and I hope that 2011 brings you great joy. I'll be sure to take pictures of us frolicking in the snow like idiots while all of the New Mexicans stare at us.

:)

I'll Stand By You

Today's post is two-fold. First, it's to let y'all know that our transfer's been post-poned until after the holidays. Between the holidays, school schedules, birthday parties and well, just plain life, it would have been very tricky to try and squeeze a fresh transfer in and so all parties are in agreement that it's best if we wait until January for the transfer. That means we'll be due around the beginning of October. While I'm excited about getting to enjoy all that yummy holiday food with no morning sickness, I'm a little anxious about spending my last trimester in the thick of the Texas Summer Heat!! :) Then again, I have always wanted to wear those cute maternity clothes in the summer. ;)

In other news, I did my first 5K this weekend! We raised money for CASA (abused children) and I set the bar for subsequent 5Ks. Now, I'm not breaking any records here. I've never been a runner/jogger, I have asthma, I was sick and couldn't breathe through my nose and I barely got any sleep...yeah, yeah, enough with the excuses already. :) I finished at 44mins, 45 secs. Again, not setting any records, but the fact that I finished was an accomplishment.

On to my second reason for posting. On the SMO (surrogacy message boards at http://www.surromomsonline.com/) boards I belong to, there is a surrogate who will be carrying a sibling for a couple with a child named Hailey Kent. The Kents need all the help they can get. I can't put it into words as beautifully as this video describes it, so I will just share it with y'all.

Make an on-line slide show at www.OneTrueMedia.com

http://hopeforhaileykent.blogspot.com/

Unwritten

The ending of our journey may not yet be written, but I do know what the next chapter holds: my IPs have decided to continue. Feel free to join me in being cautiously excited as we get more details as to when our new transfer date will be. They've picked a new ED and she isn't cycling right now, so that should make things a little easier. I'll let you know as soon as I know and thank you for the kind comments and emails.

Carmela

On Hold

Things have been put on hold. Our new ED cannot be a donor anymore and we're back at square one. My IPs have some decisions to make so I'm waiting to see what will happen and if we will continue. Please keep them in your hearts and prayers as this disappointment has created a lot of emotions for them.

It's All Coming Back to Me Now

It's been a little while since I posted about surrogacy because I've been on a little mini-break from meds but I'm pretty sure I remember how to do it! We're basically waiting for the days to tick off of the calendar (although I should mention there is a lot of life packed into those days and I am enjoying the hours in each). Never fear, we get back on real IVF meds this week and I start Lupron on Friday! We have an ultrasound on the 10th and then another that next week and we start gearing up for the transfer. Holy cow!

In NSR (non-surrogacy related) news...I'm 28! I joked to my IM that she may not want me now that my uterus is a whole year older! :) Laugh now, but in the ED and Surrogacy world, age is still only a number, but it is one that a lot of clinics pay attention to. I'm still in my prime as far as surrogacy goes, but I'd be ready to retire soon if I was an ED! It doesn't really matter as I won't be donating my eggs to anyone (unless a close friend should need/ask for them, then it's up for discussion) but it does feel a little odd to be nearing "old age" for some things in this world. Oh, I had to have someone tell me how to spell "Flo Rida" the other day. I totally didn't know that was pronounced "Flow Ridah." I'm officially out of the cool loop. :) We had the 80s Karaoke Birthday bash on Saturday. It was wonderful and I got to sing all the songs I wanted. Amazingly, we had no problems getting to our minimum $400 tab. Alcohol does make the tune a little sweeter, no?

It was a marvelous birthday and my IPs sent me some gorgeous earrings that I need to take a picture of and post. It was very thoughtful and sweet of them. I love getting mail!

I'm sorta excited to be starting meds again. Yes, me. The crazy chick that used to sweat just thinking about needles. I wouldn't say I like the idea of needles just yet, but the small ones don't bother me anymore. Not really anyway. Anyway, it means we're on our way to transfer! Let's say Oct. 4th is our target date since it's right in the middle of the range. That makes my EDD around June 22nd. Hot, hot, hot, but right at the beginning of hurricane season, so with any luck, I'll be back in the office before things get nice and windy. :) (Oh boy, insurance humor...lame!)

We have around 35 days until transfer!! Please Lord, let everything go smoothly this time. It would be great for E&J and oh, yes, I'll have some of that too, please! :)

Not Fair

Posting twice in one day may be a blogger's faux pas, but I'm prepared to deal with any consequences as the other was more of a "shout-out" than a real post.


A lot has changed in our little journey! The former ED had to be pulled off of the donor list for some personal reasons and IM called me, a little shaky in voice, and my heart immediately fell for her and my IF. "Not Fair! Not Fair! Not Fair!!!!!!" is what I wanted to scream out, but if infertility can teach you anything, it's how to get used to life not being fair. I won't claim to know what it feels like, but after hearing many stories of why couples are left with the choice of surrogacy, it does scream out that it is a difficult path and one that is still relatively new as far as modern science goes. Agree with it or not (and if you disagree, I honestly couldn't care less. Just saying), there is no denying the complexity of ART. Add in an ED, a SM and that little thing called "Life" and you need quite the lining of the stars for everything to go "right" the first time!


IM had some big decisions to make and was, thankfully, able to find an ED that she is thrilled about. (Stars aligning!) We now have a tentative transfer date of October thirdfourthfifthish....remember that uncertainty I told you about? :) Yeah, that gives us a three day window or so. I should be heading to Dallas the first week in October to transfer! It feels great to have a new target date and this allows me to get past my birthday, Rachel's first day (and few weeks) of school, and my grandparents' 55th wedding anniversary. (Awww, Al, I can't wait until that's us!) I would've been ecstatic had we been able to keep the original date, but there's not much to do about that except embrace change and it's going to be great. This time next year, we won't even remember the delays!


On a NSR (not surrogacy related) note, my baby starts school in 12 days!!!! I am going to be a bawling mess!!!! I'm going to try and refrain from crying (she's so independent and cannot wait to go to school!) as I don't want to upset her, but how can it be that my tiny little girl is walking into that big school all by herself!?!? I loved school as a kid. I loved the smells, the new clothes and supplies and the excitement of making new friends every year. I hope my darling girl has the same experience I had.

This post's for you...

Kristy, this post is especially for you. :) I just wanted to say that I did find one good thing about you moving to Korea. I now have, "Korea" showing on my Cluster map. See? Silver lining!!! :D

I miss you terribly!

Moving On

Well, we're moving on to a September transfer. It will likely be a couple of weeks before the ED can start her stimulation meds and both IPs and I have too much going on at the end of August to do a transfer, so we're going to wait until around the second week of September, assuming the ED is ready by then. Everything's sort of up in the air at this point. To add more to ponder into the mix, the EDD is around graduation time. IM's son is a senior this year so this is a pivotal point in his life and we're trying to work out how to make the EDD interfere with that as little as possible. Tricky, tricky! :)

For now, I'll stay on Lupron and Estrace, at the lower dosages, and wait to hear from the RE's office as to when our new transfer will be. My grandparents' 55th anniversary is September 11th. I missed their 50th because DH had a torn ACL, we had a 10 mth old and I felt badly leaving him behind and he was still in too much pain from surgery to drag him out with us. So, I'm really hoping transfer happens in enough time that we can attend that. It'll probably work out fine. :)

On a slightly happier note, I will now be able to have my "Totally 80s Karaoke Party" for my birthday on the weekend of the 29th. :) I'm turning 28 and throwing myself a party. LAME! I know, but I'm still doing it. Also, I get that I was like, 5 in the 80s, but I'm still doing it. Did I mention that I'm stubborn? I know this baby won't have any genetic link to me, but I'm willing to bet he/she will absorb some of my obstinance!