Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Short and Sweet Update

It's been a while since I've updated. I didn't intend to be so lax but time certainly does march on with or without you. We've have 3 more ultrasounds since our visit to the ER and in each one but the last, baby B had been growing and had a stronger heartbeat. The last ultrasound, on March 24th (my IM's birthday) revealed to us that Baby A was to be a singleton and E&J's precious baby B had stopped growing. It was a heavy day for our hearts but we knew that it was always a possibility. After we shed our tears for baby B, we moved on to focusing on that perfect remaining baby that had always thrived and began to celebrate his/her progress.

Since this is a surrogacy blog, I will share some of my feelings here so that other surrogates or those pursuing surrogacy can see what this part is like. Laying on the table and watching the sonographer talk about baby A was wonderful. I knew that no matter what, E&J would have a sweet, healthy baby but I could see that baby B's sac was not getting any larger. When she told me that there was no heartbeat, my own heart felt like it had stopped b/c I immediately felt so bad for E&J. We always have them on speakerphone for the ultrasounds and even though we had prepared, mentally, my heart was not ready to ready to hear it. I felt like I had disappointed them, let them down, that my body was somehow at fault or that I had messed up all of their dreams. Logically, I knew that there was nothing I could've done or not done to cause it, but regardless, they had placed their "eggs" in my "basket" and it was my job to grow them. I felt so sad. I gave E&J a little time to take it in and talk and later that morning, E called me back and I asked how she was. When I heard that she was dealing with it okay, I was able to breathe a little easier and start to feel a little less at fault. E assured me that she was so thankful for what I was doing and they knew I had given that baby the best chance and that meant the world to me. This is not something I take lightly and even though this is not my baby, I still feel as protective as ever of his/her well-being and responsible for whatever happens.

So, they are happy and thankful to be expecting a little bundle of joy in October. This will make the pregnancy less risky, the singleton will have a much better chance of being born full-term and without a trip to the NICU and of course, this will be less stress on my body which cannot be overlooked. Surrogates sign up for myriad things and we accept these risks. It is always nice to have a nice "boring" 9 months, however. :)

We have our first OB appointment on April 11th and my last shot is tonight! It is hard to believe that I am already 25% done with this pregnancy! I am eagerly awaiting that gender-revealing ultrasound to see if our suspicions are correct. :) (We are thinking pink!)

Saturday, March 5, 2011

Tell Me Something Good

There is nothing quite like sitting in the Emergency Room, puffy-eyed with tears and worry decorating your face and waiting for the doctor that will tell you if your dreams will continue or if something terrible has happened.

Thursday night, we had a bit of a scare. Don't worry, things are okay, but it was a long night. I had just taken a shower and laid down to read when I felt a gush of fluid. I reached down and my pajamas were soaked in blood. I immediately start to cry, grab a pad and call anyone and everyone I could think of that would help me figure out what to do. Logically, I knew that if I was miscarrying, there was nothing I could do, but trying explaining that to a heart. A million thoughts rushed through my head with the worst being, "How will I tell E&J?" I decided not to call them until I had some sort of news. I didn't know how the night would end and I had nothing but worry to share at that moment, and I thought that I could at least protect them from that. My kids were in bed and I knew I didn't want to expose them to everything up at the ER. I wasn't even sure if they would do anything and I hated for my whole family to have a long night, so I drove myself. I texted a couple of friends and asked for prayers. If you'll recall, I met a local surrogate, Jennifer, for coffee one night where she offered to stab me in the hiney with a large needle even before meeting me face-to-face. Well, on our second meeting, she literally walked into the dismal ER waiting room and gave me a hug that I so badly needed and figuratively held my hand through the next hour or so while I waited to be seen.

I will say that the hospital down here is not known for its swift action. That night, however, a nurse must've taken pity on me because not only did she make the ultrasound tech stick around, she also took such good care of me and got me back quickly, even though it was the end of what was probably a very long shift. I am so thankful for that. The ultrasound tech took me back and started the ultrasound. I was 6 weeks and 1 day pregnant with twins. Yes, you read that right, we are pregnant with twins!! She checked for any signs of miscarriage and found none. What she did find was a heartbeat on baby A, a gestational sac measuring 6 weeks, 3 days and a fetus measuring 6 weeks with a heartbeat of 117 (perfect). As for the other sac, she measured it to be 5 weeks, 5 days and while she couldn't grab the heartbeat on that one (it is still extremely early to see heartbeats at all and this one is a few days behind the other, developmentally, but this is common), she did see a yolk sac and part of the baby, but it was up against the wall of the uterus and the machine was ancient and grainy. We feel confident we'll see the heartbeats on Wednesday.

Thankfully, our bleeding stopped that night and the cramping subsided the next day after I took some time off and rested. I still feel nauseated and tired so my hope is that this was a tiny bump in the road and the rest of the journey will be smooth-sailing.

It was a bittersweet call to make to IM as I knew she would be worried/relieved/excited all in the same breath. I started the phone call with, "Everything's fine but..." and relayed the details. She was thankful that we were all okay and then it hit us all that they're having twins!!!! It is still all surreal. I've been on the net all weekend looking up the differences between singleton and multiples. Information has always been my friend.

So, if you find yourself with a few minutes, please send us a prayer or good thought that these babies, who are so very loved and wanted already, grow big (enough to be healthy!! and then they can stop! haha) and healthy and that we all stay safe.

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Long Time Gone

Wow, has it really been two weeks since I last posted? I guess life got ahold of me. My baby girl turned one and my husband turned 31 all in the same week. I also have a side business where we do singing princess parties and we had two of those this past weekend. Needless to say, my life's been busy!

Here's our latest news...we are pregnant!! Okay, okay, you already knew that, but it's still new to me. :) We had a beta to test for hCG levels on Weds., the 16th. Everyone's levels are different, so there's not really much to tell by them except when you watch them increase. Ideally, you want your levels to double every 48-72 hours. Our 1st beta came back with 197 and our follow up beta was that Friday and it came back at 511. Great numbers!! So, we continue with our estrogen twice a day and one PIO shot every night until 10 weeks. I am 6 weeks today and have had 29 PIO shots. I am tolerating them really well. There are moments in each day where you will find me scratching at my hips because I am itchy and I do have a couple of small lumps, but I really feel like I've gotten off pretty easy with these shots. This was my worst fear and now, I can kick it to the curb! I've got 28 more shots left so I am more than halfway done.

I am getting up to pee at night sometimes, I can't walk by the seafood department without holding my nose now and motion sickness is in full bloom. Other than feeling a little "full" down there and having some achiness in the girls, I'm pretty much normal. I won't start to show for several weeks, but I'll admit, that's my favorite part. :)

In exactly one week, I will go in for an ultrasound. Can you believe we'll be able to see the heartbeat(s) by then? We will also get to see if both of the embryos took or if one decided to stay in there. Unfortunately, E&J cannot make it. It's hard to fly back and forth like that so they're going to wait until the "Big" ultrasound and hope to be able to come then. I am going to film it for them and I hope to be able to stream it live. I think that would be really cool!! My friend, A, is going to go with me that day since they can't be there. I also get to meet up with my surro friend, C. She is having her transfer on the day before and is staying a few miles down the road. I can't pass up an opportunity to see a fellow surro.

So, that is our excitement for now. :) E&J and I Skyped the other night and it was great to see their excitement. This is just an amazing feeling!! According to babycenter, the baby is the size of a sweet pea. Hello little sweet pea(s)!!!! Meet you in October!!