Monday, November 21, 2011

32 Days Later

Look at that sweet, sweet baby!! Can you believe it's been a month already? Heck, my 2 week wait didn't even fly by that quickly.

Baby L's doing well and E&J have adjusted to their new routine. They had visits from family and baby L's big brother even came to visit her. I know E was so happy to have her family all together.

Life's been busy here. It seems that every type of social event you can think of was planned in the months of October and November. I am very much looking forward to the holidays and some rest.

A lot of people have been asking me how I feel and how the surrogacy went. I know it's kind of boring to hear, "I feel great" and "It went really well" but that's honestly how it is. I went back to my own life and while I enjoy the pictures of their family, there's no sadness or longing to have baby L back with me. I think that's the part people are most surprised about.

In other news, I'm back at the gym and back into pre-pregnancy clothes. That's kind of nice because I really didn't want to have to shop for all new clothes! :) (Unless they're in a smaller size, of course!) I'm pretty sure I got all of my "missed" drinking made up and I realize that maybe I didn't miss it as much as I thought? Okay, maybe just the Patron margaritas and my Moscato.

So, all in all, things are back to normal here. The biggest question that remains is whether I'll do it again. That's not a question I think I can answer right now. I do know that if I do, I won't be ready for another year or so. We have a cruise planned for April of 2012 and my 30th birthday is next August. So, those are two milestones that I don't want to be pregnant for. Additionally, I've never wanted to do surrogacy unless it was right for my family and my life at the time. I can't say I know for sure where I'll be in a year and how I'll feel. I think I'd like to do this again though. I had such an amazing experience that I really feel like it's something I'd want to do 2-3 more times, but only if I can do it safely with minimal effects on my family and body. I've always wanted to help a same-sex couple seeing as it's harder for them to find a local surrogate b/c Texas laws make it tricky. I'm really pulled in that direction though and I think that's on my heart for a reason.

So, who knows where this blog will lead. I'm keeping it up in case other stumble upon it and want to ask questions or keep in touch. The surrogacy world is pretty tight-knit, which can be nice. There are lots of crazy people out there and you'd be surprised what you can learn through the grapevine! :)

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

19 days ago...

a precious baby girl came into the world. I cannot believe how quickly that flew by. Maybe it's because I had Fall Festival to help with and 3 kids and a husband back at home waiting on me to fill my Super Mom shoes again. Life has been insanely busy since the day I delivered. I'm talking Pumpkin Patch pictures, dinners with friends and family, PTO work, working out, a Halloween party getting back to work full-time, trick-or-treating, sick kids, sick mommy, birthday parties, cookie dough pick up, a wedding, a spa day (okay, so that wasn't hard work!) etc. I think I was trying to fit everything into these last 2 weeks to make up for the little bit of time I was on bed rest and at the hospital. So, for about a week, I was go, go, go and then the 2nd week I was sort of a bump on a log because I think I had done too much the week before. I think I found a happy balance now and have backed off a bit. My house is a little worse for the wear, but I am trying to cut myself some slack since it hasn't even been 3 weeks since I pushed a little human into the world.

Speaking of that little human, here are some long-awaited photos!! I finally remembered to ask IM if I could post them! These are from the hospital so forgive my puffiness. I lost 18 lbs. in 8 days and I'm sure that was almost all fluid from being swollen!

As far as how I am feeling, I will be completely honest and say that I feel pretty amazing. I had a couple of days where I felt a little down. It's so very hard to explain it because people automatically assume you regret "giving the baby up" or that you miss the baby or something. Sure, I miss her tiny kicks but I am so happy that she is where she belongs. I cannot tell you how much I do not want to bring another baby home and how happy I am that she is with her family. Remember, I gave her back, not up! :) The "down" part is just the feeling you get after coming off an emotional high. For 16 months, I had this goal of helping to bring a healthy baby into the world. It wasn't all I was; I was still a mom and wife and friend, etc., but it was a large part of my life and when it's over, it's kind of bittersweet. So, that's the feeling I had for a couple of days, but I was still overwhelmingly happy.

I am lucky to get texts, emails, phone calls, pictures and updates almost daily (even now!) from my IPs. They are so very loving and they share so much with me. I love seeing their faces and hearing about their milestones with her. All of it fills my heart up with joy and a little bit of pride too. It's a good feeling to know you helped. I look at my own children and feel that joy of being a parent and can live knowing that I helped someone else feel that.

Incidentally, it's my oldest's 7th birthday today. Happy birthday, Rach!!! Mommy loves you!!!