Blurry

I decided to cut ties with the agency and thus, the IPs. It sucks. It really, really, really sucks b/c they have to start over and they'll probably never really understand why I had to walk away but I just couldn't take that big of a risk. Basically, I was asked to forego lost wages in the event I was put on bedrest by my OB. It was too much of a financial risk for them because it could be a lot of money, which was exactly MY point. What if I was on bedrest for several months? The agency proposed that I pay it out of my comp. Let me assure you, I've talked to lawyers, surrogates, IPs, other agencies....no one...I mean not one person felt like this was a good idea and they all said the same thing. "Run. Run fast. Run away while you still can." So, I followed my gut and now I am starting from square one. A much more experienced square one, but a disheartened square one. I'm trying to look forward and not let this affect my enthusiasm for surrogacy, and it won't be a permanent damper, I know...but it did bum me out.

So, my many new surro buddies over on the SMO boards have given me more than I can handle when it comes to new avenues to pursue and I am completely grateful to have so many "strangers" care enough to spend time helping me look and pointing me in the right direction. It's been a strangely warm comfort to know I have their support. I still very much want to help the right couple create their family. So, I press on, but for now, I need to sleep so I can get up and exercise away the 4 lbs. I need to lose to meet the BMI requirements for some agencies. (In truth, this is a little bit of a joke because said agencies have told me 4 lbs. doesn't make it or break it, but alas, the truth remains that it is 4 lbs. I still need to lose. For me.)

Weekend at the beach house with friends. Can't wait!

You've got a friend in me...

I've decided to try and title my posts with songs titles...just to get something stuck in your head for the day. :) I had lunch with my good friend, "A", today. Sitting on the table was this note (it had pretty purple paper behind it and a ribbon, but it was too hard to scan that way) and an envelope with 4 training sessions with her personal trainer. (We go to the same gym and she knows I've been trying to work out to lose weight for my health and for my 10 year reunion coming up in July. Sadly, this is not pregnancy weight as I only gained 6 lbs. and my daughter weighed 7 lbs., 15 oz.-instantly hitting pre-pregnancy weight was nice though! haha) Anyhoo, working out is the most important thing to A, besides her daughter of course, so this gift speaks volumes. She gave me one workout session for each of the things listed on the note. What a great way to end the week. I can't wait to get contracts from my coordinator (and I'm sure she's ready to pass me off to my IPs and their RE so I will stop playing 20 questions with her!) So, I think I will do one training session a week. We're going to the beach with some friends and renting a beach house at the end of the month so I've definitely got incentive!!

I feel blessed to have A as one of the important people in my life. It's also a reminder of what a great support system I have for this surrogacy. Yay, warm, happy thoughts!