We Are the Champions

Now is not a time for losers. It's not a time to be timid, it's a time to jab myself in the hip with an inch and a half-long needle! :) One tiny little thing was standing in my way-I'M TERRIFIED OF NEEDLES!!
And guess what??? I DID IT!!!

Remember how I was going to have my husband do it? Well, he was a willing volunteer but I really have been wanting to get this needle phobia out of the way for some time now. I think talking about it, blogging, watching videos, and visiting with the local surro, J, helped me to decide, "I'm gonna do it." I went to my friend, A's house, and she walked me through it.

She helped me get all organized and lay everything out. I am an idiot and I brought the wrong sized syringe so I ended up having to poke myself twice.

As Amber was pumping me up and talking me through it, she turned to her fridge and was saying, "Just do it and go for it and no hesitation." and by the time she turned around, I had done it! "I didn't even feel it!!" I said. She pushed the PIO in for me so I could feel the sensation of it going in and all was well. "Okay, now you do the next one by yourself so you can feel the resistance" A said. I did the second one and she helped me finish off the PIO, but I feel so much better about all of this now! I read so many blogs about the shots because that was really the only hesitation I had about doing surrogacy. Could I really do this? I knew I would do what I needed to get it done, but the feeling of accomplishment I feel right now is pretty darn great! :)

So, I sit here with my massaging heating pad that I got from Amazon and am enjoying my 45 mins. of guilt-free chair time. :)

Mad props to my girl, A. I love ya and thanks for getting me through this!!! I can't wait to show Al how to do it! I think he's going to actually think it's fun!! :) Now, I just have to be nice to him for the next 3 months! haha

Hello Goodbye

Goodbye, Lupron! Hello, Progesterone in Olive Oil (PIO)!

Last night was my last Lupron shot. Remember my little freak out about having to give myself injections? Well, I'm a Lupron-giving fool now!! :) I could do it in my sleep (and have been rather sleepy, at times, and given it right before I crashed into bed!) Well, my friends, today is a new day and it will be a first for this girl. Tonight, one of my very good friends (I still don't know WHICH one! LOL) will be heading over to help teach Al how to do my shots. I had several sweet volunteers so I'm touched (and relieved) to have so many back-ups! :) In case you're wondering, I'll be on 75mg of PIO a night. :)

Last night, I returned to my house around 11:15. Yes! To quote my dear friend, D's, grandmother, I am a dirty stayout!! :) Haha, okay, not really, but I was out late last night. I met my new friend, J! I'm just going to go ahead and call her a friend because we spent every minute of our 2.5 hrs together talking and getting to know each other! She is an amazing person who just delivered her surrobabe 2 weeks ago!! I thought she said 2 MONTHS because she looked so great, but nope, 2 weeks. Also, she has 4 boys! If I had any worries left about being able to do this with 3 kiddos, they were completely erased last night. :) We had such a great visit, we know a lot of the same people and it was just so nice to sit and talk and enjoy one of my last cups of coffee!

I'll return tonight and let you know how the PIO went. :) Toodles!

I'm So Excited...

Wow...let's just say that I'd never seen the video for this song considering it was released around the same time I was born, so pardon the risque nature, but I am so very excited! This time next week, I'll be sitting in a room with 1 or 2 little embies snuggling in real deep!!

The ED is supposed to be doing her trigger shot today. That means that 36 hours from the shot, she will be having her egg retreival (ER)!! ER day is day 0 so on day 5 (Monday) is when our transfer will occur. As you can imagine, I'm on pins and needles (no, seriously, I have to do injections). :) Everytime I see IM's name pop up on my phone, I get so excited and we sit there and talk about how thrilled we are, how we can't wait and how awesome it all is.

Al and I will be heading to Dallas this weekend and I won't lie, I've got my Kindle full of Diana Gabaldon books and I'm ready for a few days sans responsibilities, work, kids and cooking! :) I will miss my babies, but this is like a mini staycation for them too. The baby and Logan are staying with their beloved babysitter and Logan keeps asking, "How many days till I sleep on the mattress at Bebe's??" And Rachel is hanging with her BFF (daughter of one of my best friends) for the week and cannot wait to be like "sisters." I'm very blessed to have people in my life that help me out like they do!! This is only reason why I will be able to have a relaxing and wonderful few days away. Al and I don't get much time where it's just the two of us, and that's okay, but I'm looking forward to finishing a conversation with him without stopping to get someone a PB&J sandwich or some juice! :)

I believe tomorrow is the last of my Lupron and then I will begin PIO!! I took the needles out the other day just to get the feel of them in my hand. My friend is going to come over and help with the first few so that Al can get the hang of it. I already know of a couple of days when he won't be here and I'll have to get someone else to do them for me. Thank God for the nursing school down here. I already have some volunteers lined up because this girl will not be poking herself!! Assuming there's a "next time," perhaps I'll try it then! :)

One more thing, the surrogacy world is such a small world after all. When I first looked into surrogacy, I was completely overwhelmed by all of the information. Did I want to go "indy" or with an agency? What type of couple/single did I want to match with? Gestational or Traditional Surrogate? How many embryos did I want to transfer? What were my thoughts on reduction, termination, multiples, etc.? There was just SO much information. One thing that does stand out in my mind is a woman named Gayle. When I first placed an ad on SMO, she responded to me and I almost worked with her except, at the time, I did not fit their BMI requirements. You've read the beginning of this blog (and if you haven't, you can! :) haha!) so you know how I ended up finding my IPs. Anyway, Gayle stayed in contact with me through all of this and I got to know some of the surrogates she is working with/has worked with through SMO. She emails me every now in then to check in on me, see how things are going and just to be sweet. Fast forward to last week. My friend, A, told me she had a friend that just delivered her first surrobaby and thought we'd mike like to talk. She put me in contact with her friend and we are having coffee tonight! :) I read her blog and she mentioned this Gayle person. It was so late at night so I didn't call her up, but I thought, "this has to be the same Gayle!" (it was) That same day, Gayle sends me an email to say hello and check in b/c she heard from a surro (C) that I was going to be transferring soon. I told her who I was having coffee with and she was tickled pink. :) So, all of this is just to say that the surrogacy world is so very small and this is not the first time where this has happened. Just a neat little anecdote. And just so you know, Gayle is a sweet, sweet lady and I look forward to working with her for my next journey. :)

Okay, I guess that's it for now. I'll post again after that first PIO shot and let you know if I passed out or not! :)

Firework

Long time, no blog? I know, I know. I am not a superstitious person, per se, but I do get that ominous feeling that people get sometimes and am not above succumbing to some outside source of pressure to act as if my actions could somehow jinx the future. So, I cautiously post this in order to update you on the news of our upcoming transfer. :)

We're on!! I can feel the excitement bubbling at the edges of every part of me and I am thrilled to say that even despite a few little bumps in the road (Me not starting my stupid period on time and having to do an ultrasound and pregnancy test (Beta) to confirm there was no pregnancy-there wasn't, Lupron getting lost and having to literally use every last drop I had, ED having slightly elevated Estrogen levels that caused a small, but anxiety-causing delay) we are about 12 days away from our transfer date!!

The ED started her stimulation meds on Friday (21st) and I have been on Lupron and Estrogen. My ultrasound is tomorrow morning and they will check my lining to see if it is getting nice and thick. If it's not quite up to snuff, they will increase my Estrogen from twice a day to thrice per day. (I always wanted to use that word).

So, how am I feeling? Anxious, scared, excited, hopeful, happy, impatient! :) That about sums it up. I was lying in bed next to DH and I told him I was scared (of the needles). He said, "well, it's too late now!" and I lovingly explained, after I (jokingly) punched him, that I wasn't having second thoughts, but I WAS allowed to be scared. I reminded him of each of the times during the last days of our own pregnancies when I would turn to him and say, "I'm scared" and he would reply with his consistent "It's too late now." Of course, I wasn't expressing a desire to not labor and deliver, I was expressing my human reaction to the anticipation of pain and new beginnings. Silly boy. We've never made it this far in a cycle yet, so while I am scared when I think of the needles, I am almost excited about it because I'd like to kind of get it out of the way and know what it's going to be like already. Like any good student, I studied surrogacy and read blog after blog and post after post about injections; what they felt like, how to do them, the resulting lumps, bruises and pain and how to deal/prevent/lessen that. So, naturally, I came across some horror stories as well as some stories to give me courage and hope that I could overcome this needle thing. You'll remember my first Lupron injection and how I sweated that one out. It ended up being nothing and I'm even letting DH give them to me now (another phobia off the list!) It's always been the anticipation that I've feared. So, I am excited to be moving past that point shortly.

We will be heading to Dallas for the transfer and I'll get to see my wonderful IPs again. They are amazing people. If you see the fireworks going off over Dallas around the 5th, you'll know it's because a large amount of awesomeness has entered the city.

I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas

Hello! It's been a few months since I've posted. There hasn't been much going on other than my random everyday life, but we have some new developments on the surrogacy that I thought I'd share with you. We have a date!! Yay!

We are using the ED whose eggs were originally scheduled to appear back in August. IM is ecstatic and I'm tickled that she gets to use the ED she is happy with. I'm getting back on meds and start Lupron again on the 30th. Incidentally, this is also the day that we will be arriving in Santa Fe to spend some time with my IPs!! I am thrilled about this trip!! DH and all the kids will be coming along and it's a 16 hour road trip. This should provide some interesting tales as our little ones are 6, 4 and 10 mths. We will be making plenty of stops to stretch legs, use the potty, take pictures, eat snacks and change diapers along the way. There should be snow while we are there too! If you know anything about the Texas Gulf Coast region then I don't have to tell you that it doesn't snow here...much. It has "snowed" twice since our oldest has been born and she seems to think this is due to her fervent pleas to Santa. Snow, to the kids, is 3 inches of the white stuff. A "snow man" is the little guy you make out of all the "snow" you scraped off the car (the neighbor's car, the mailbox, the driveway, etc.)

(Props to my friend, Jenny, for use of her snowmen pic) This year, we'll get to see real snow. I plan to make a snow angel. It's been at least 10 years since I've last done so. :) The kids are supposed to go sledding. By "the kids," I mean Albert. I might go too, depending on the size of the hill. :)

After we get back, on the 3rd, Al and Rachel go back to school (he works for a school district) and the rest of us go back to our reguarly scheduled programs. Then, we start to prepare for our Jan. 31-Feb. 3rdish transfer!!! This would make us due around the middle of October. A little pumpkin baby!! :)

So, that is what is new in our corner of the world. I will update more as we get closer. For now, I wish you all a Merry, Merry Christmas and I hope that 2011 brings you great joy. I'll be sure to take pictures of us frolicking in the snow like idiots while all of the New Mexicans stare at us.

:)

I'll Stand By You

Today's post is two-fold. First, it's to let y'all know that our transfer's been post-poned until after the holidays. Between the holidays, school schedules, birthday parties and well, just plain life, it would have been very tricky to try and squeeze a fresh transfer in and so all parties are in agreement that it's best if we wait until January for the transfer. That means we'll be due around the beginning of October. While I'm excited about getting to enjoy all that yummy holiday food with no morning sickness, I'm a little anxious about spending my last trimester in the thick of the Texas Summer Heat!! :) Then again, I have always wanted to wear those cute maternity clothes in the summer. ;)

In other news, I did my first 5K this weekend! We raised money for CASA (abused children) and I set the bar for subsequent 5Ks. Now, I'm not breaking any records here. I've never been a runner/jogger, I have asthma, I was sick and couldn't breathe through my nose and I barely got any sleep...yeah, yeah, enough with the excuses already. :) I finished at 44mins, 45 secs. Again, not setting any records, but the fact that I finished was an accomplishment.

On to my second reason for posting. On the SMO (surrogacy message boards at http://www.surromomsonline.com/) boards I belong to, there is a surrogate who will be carrying a sibling for a couple with a child named Hailey Kent. The Kents need all the help they can get. I can't put it into words as beautifully as this video describes it, so I will just share it with y'all.

Make an on-line slide show at www.OneTrueMedia.com

http://hopeforhaileykent.blogspot.com/

Unwritten

The ending of our journey may not yet be written, but I do know what the next chapter holds: my IPs have decided to continue. Feel free to join me in being cautiously excited as we get more details as to when our new transfer date will be. They've picked a new ED and she isn't cycling right now, so that should make things a little easier. I'll let you know as soon as I know and thank you for the kind comments and emails.

Carmela

On Hold

Things have been put on hold. Our new ED cannot be a donor anymore and we're back at square one. My IPs have some decisions to make so I'm waiting to see what will happen and if we will continue. Please keep them in your hearts and prayers as this disappointment has created a lot of emotions for them.

It's All Coming Back to Me Now

It's been a little while since I posted about surrogacy because I've been on a little mini-break from meds but I'm pretty sure I remember how to do it! We're basically waiting for the days to tick off of the calendar (although I should mention there is a lot of life packed into those days and I am enjoying the hours in each). Never fear, we get back on real IVF meds this week and I start Lupron on Friday! We have an ultrasound on the 10th and then another that next week and we start gearing up for the transfer. Holy cow!

In NSR (non-surrogacy related) news...I'm 28! I joked to my IM that she may not want me now that my uterus is a whole year older! :) Laugh now, but in the ED and Surrogacy world, age is still only a number, but it is one that a lot of clinics pay attention to. I'm still in my prime as far as surrogacy goes, but I'd be ready to retire soon if I was an ED! It doesn't really matter as I won't be donating my eggs to anyone (unless a close friend should need/ask for them, then it's up for discussion) but it does feel a little odd to be nearing "old age" for some things in this world. Oh, I had to have someone tell me how to spell "Flo Rida" the other day. I totally didn't know that was pronounced "Flow Ridah." I'm officially out of the cool loop. :) We had the 80s Karaoke Birthday bash on Saturday. It was wonderful and I got to sing all the songs I wanted. Amazingly, we had no problems getting to our minimum $400 tab. Alcohol does make the tune a little sweeter, no?

It was a marvelous birthday and my IPs sent me some gorgeous earrings that I need to take a picture of and post. It was very thoughtful and sweet of them. I love getting mail!

I'm sorta excited to be starting meds again. Yes, me. The crazy chick that used to sweat just thinking about needles. I wouldn't say I like the idea of needles just yet, but the small ones don't bother me anymore. Not really anyway. Anyway, it means we're on our way to transfer! Let's say Oct. 4th is our target date since it's right in the middle of the range. That makes my EDD around June 22nd. Hot, hot, hot, but right at the beginning of hurricane season, so with any luck, I'll be back in the office before things get nice and windy. :) (Oh boy, insurance humor...lame!)

We have around 35 days until transfer!! Please Lord, let everything go smoothly this time. It would be great for E&J and oh, yes, I'll have some of that too, please! :)

Not Fair

Posting twice in one day may be a blogger's faux pas, but I'm prepared to deal with any consequences as the other was more of a "shout-out" than a real post.


A lot has changed in our little journey! The former ED had to be pulled off of the donor list for some personal reasons and IM called me, a little shaky in voice, and my heart immediately fell for her and my IF. "Not Fair! Not Fair! Not Fair!!!!!!" is what I wanted to scream out, but if infertility can teach you anything, it's how to get used to life not being fair. I won't claim to know what it feels like, but after hearing many stories of why couples are left with the choice of surrogacy, it does scream out that it is a difficult path and one that is still relatively new as far as modern science goes. Agree with it or not (and if you disagree, I honestly couldn't care less. Just saying), there is no denying the complexity of ART. Add in an ED, a SM and that little thing called "Life" and you need quite the lining of the stars for everything to go "right" the first time!


IM had some big decisions to make and was, thankfully, able to find an ED that she is thrilled about. (Stars aligning!) We now have a tentative transfer date of October thirdfourthfifthish....remember that uncertainty I told you about? :) Yeah, that gives us a three day window or so. I should be heading to Dallas the first week in October to transfer! It feels great to have a new target date and this allows me to get past my birthday, Rachel's first day (and few weeks) of school, and my grandparents' 55th wedding anniversary. (Awww, Al, I can't wait until that's us!) I would've been ecstatic had we been able to keep the original date, but there's not much to do about that except embrace change and it's going to be great. This time next year, we won't even remember the delays!


On a NSR (not surrogacy related) note, my baby starts school in 12 days!!!! I am going to be a bawling mess!!!! I'm going to try and refrain from crying (she's so independent and cannot wait to go to school!) as I don't want to upset her, but how can it be that my tiny little girl is walking into that big school all by herself!?!? I loved school as a kid. I loved the smells, the new clothes and supplies and the excitement of making new friends every year. I hope my darling girl has the same experience I had.

This post's for you...

Kristy, this post is especially for you. :) I just wanted to say that I did find one good thing about you moving to Korea. I now have, "Korea" showing on my Cluster map. See? Silver lining!!! :D

I miss you terribly!

Moving On

Well, we're moving on to a September transfer. It will likely be a couple of weeks before the ED can start her stimulation meds and both IPs and I have too much going on at the end of August to do a transfer, so we're going to wait until around the second week of September, assuming the ED is ready by then. Everything's sort of up in the air at this point. To add more to ponder into the mix, the EDD is around graduation time. IM's son is a senior this year so this is a pivotal point in his life and we're trying to work out how to make the EDD interfere with that as little as possible. Tricky, tricky! :)

For now, I'll stay on Lupron and Estrace, at the lower dosages, and wait to hear from the RE's office as to when our new transfer will be. My grandparents' 55th anniversary is September 11th. I missed their 50th because DH had a torn ACL, we had a 10 mth old and I felt badly leaving him behind and he was still in too much pain from surgery to drag him out with us. So, I'm really hoping transfer happens in enough time that we can attend that. It'll probably work out fine. :)

On a slightly happier note, I will now be able to have my "Totally 80s Karaoke Party" for my birthday on the weekend of the 29th. :) I'm turning 28 and throwing myself a party. LAME! I know, but I'm still doing it. Also, I get that I was like, 5 in the 80s, but I'm still doing it. Did I mention that I'm stubborn? I know this baby won't have any genetic link to me, but I'm willing to bet he/she will absorb some of my obstinance!

Takes A Little Time

I got a call from the NC today and the ED has 3 cysts so she can't start on her stimulation meds on Sunday. I will admit that I am a little bummed. It's not that I feel like everything has to be on some sort of schedule or that it has to happen quickly, but I was getting quite excited to have a date pretty much set in stone. Lesson learned: There is no "set in stone" with surrogacy. :) So, for now, we are experiencing a delay. The NC was unsure as to how long it will be since you can't really predict when cysts will go away. She said it could be next week or it could be two or three weeks. You just never know. I feel badly for the ED as the NC said she was upset. It's really out of all of our hands though. So, we wait. Do you see the pattern yet? :)

The good news is that I get to decrease the amount of Lupron to 5 units and stay at 2mg of Estrace instead of 4mg. Maybe my "crazy" won't show as badly now!

I haven't spoken to IM yet today. I'm sure she'll be kind of bummed too. I mean, I've only been waiting for a few months now and that's nothing compared to how long my IPs have been waiting. So, if you think about it, say a quick prayer for the ED that her cysts go away, please. :)

Dirty Little Secret

I have a secret! It's not dirty though...sorry to disappoint. I got something in the mail today, but I can't tell you what it is just yet! :) Believe me, this is as hard on me as it is on you. Ask anyone, I can't keep a secret to save my life (write it down in your little mental journal, people!) and it's not because I don't want to! I swear! I just have no filter sometimes and I forget that I'm supposed to remember not to say something sometimes.

What I can tell you is that the hubbs and I are officially on hiatus this week. Yes, I'm talking about a sexual strike! Well, not a strike so much as a contractual obligation not to engage in any sort of behavior for 3 weeks prior to and 3 weeks following the transfer (and/or longer if the OB/RE says so). Is this an over-share? Probably...but I did want to let anyone contemplating surrogacy know what the ins and outs were. So, if you see Al in the next month and a half and he's looking...er...frustrated, just give him a pat on the back and a "buck up little camper" and send him on his merry way. Why is this necessary, you ask? Before transfer, it ensures that the only person hanging out in my uterus the next 9 months or so doesn't belong to me and after is so that there are no "disturbances" to knock the little baby/babies out of there since we want it/them to get in there nice and snug. There are some different schools of thought as to what is and isn't necessary after transfer, but this is what my clinic would like, so those are the rules. Every clinic/contract is different though...just sharing what my situation is.

I start back on Estrace tonight and increase to twice daily tomorrow. The ED has her appt. with the clinic tomorrow and the NC will call me to let me know if we're still on target for her to start her stimulation meds on Sunday. Holy cow! This is becoming more real by the moment! I'm supposed to start PIO the night before the ED's egg retreival. That should be about the 10th. I cannot believe we're just 2 weeks away from that!!! Things are starting to happen quickly now. Poor E, I am sure time is moving slowly for her, but I have more to keep me occupied (med-wise) so at least that takes my mind off of the waiting!

In other news, I have the Lupron Munchies. I am hungry ALL OF THE TIME! This is insane and I need to get back to the gym too, but I am tired a lot. I'm told all of this is normal with Lupron. I do feel a little spaced out and "out of it" at times...Loopy on Lupron the saying goes. What was my excuse before? :) I've gained a few pounds and I'm a little bummed at myself for that, so I need to really pay attention to what I am eating.

The reunion went well! In fact, it was dang near perfect. I had the best time. Here is a picture. My best friend from Kindergarten-5th grade is on the left with her husband. Al is right behind me (I'm in the teal) and one of my best friends (of two) from 5th grade-present is on my right.

Peanut, Peanut Butter, and Jelly

I wish making a baby was as easy as making a peanut butter and jelly sandwich (and as yummy!) It is a good bit more exciting though, so I will give it that.

Let's talk about the embryo transfer procedure for a minute. On (or around) August 16, the RE will be transferring two 5-day embryos into the loverly uterus (do not doubt that it is loverly, the doctor with the white coat said so....twice)

Here is a chart showing the progression of the embryo growth and cell division. Remind you of 9th grade Biology? (I'm feeling quite nostalgic as my 10 year reunion is this weekend.) We are using an Egg Donor so she will start stimulation meds on August 1st. The clinic will then monitor her pretty regularly and check for follicles to determine when they will do the egg retreival. This is predicted to occur around, August 11-13 and then 5 days from the egg retreival will be the embryo transfer...unless...the Embryologist sees that they are starting to fragment and then it could be sooner. We're sort of "on call" after the egg retreival and have to be prepared to fly to Dallas at a moment's notice. Otherwise, if things go as planned, we will just drive. The embryo transfer usually happens around noon and then I will move as little as possible for the next 24 hrs and then have bedrest for a couple of days.

Bed rest may sound horrible to some and I imagine more than a few days of it would drive even the most lazy of people crazy, but I am prepared for some R&R and while I love my children and my life, I am definitely looking forward to a few days in bed with DH waiting on me!! :) Who wouldn't!?!? I have a booked picked out, I plan to watch some Lifetime and indulge in some nice, guilt-free sleep...

I will also start PIO (Progesterone in Oil-Olive in my case) injections and they will continue for most of the first trimester. These are the intramuscular injections that I'm sort of dreading. Now that I am a Lupron-giving fool, I don't feel as apprehensive about it. It'll probably still hurt like hell, I'm not gonna fool myself, but at least I don't want to hurl at the thought of it.

Did you see my ticker? We're getting ever so close! AF came for one last visit and I'm off of the estrace for now. I continue Lupron and start estrace back up on the 28th. Then, the countdown really begins!

Got My Mind Set On You

I got my mind set on you sweet little Lupron!!! I did it, I did it, I did it right...Yes, ladies and gentlemen...I gave myself a Lupron shot. Actually, I've given myself 5 shots...and you want to know a secret? It wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be!! In fact, I hardly even felt it. I will admit that I looked down and secretly hoped that my hand had somehow learned the art of sticking a syringe into the side of its body and that was why I hadn't felt anything, but I opened my eyes and discovered that I was inches away from skin and it took 5 tries before I could actually plunge the thing in. Thankfully, I was running late to work and had 3 children to tote across the street so I had to be done with it fairly quickly and made myself do it. Upon the advice of a commentor on this blog (Thank you, Mrs. Knight!) I broke the skin and eased the needle in. Huzzah! I felt nothing! I checked to make sure it wasn't a "trick" needle that collapses, but no, I'd actually done it! Five days later and I'm happy to report that the only real side effect I've had is a penchant for crying. I was a bawling mess on Thursday and Friday and entertaining as it was to my husband, I think it got a little ridonculous after the 3rd bout of unexplained crying. I watched P.S. I love you and got most of it out. Back to business as usual today although I was a tad bit moody earlier. Whether this is from the IVF meds or not, I don't know for certain, but it's nice to blame crabbiness on something, right? :) Nothing some giggles and silliness from my kiddos and hubby couldn't fix! Baby giggles are like magic. Nothing can escape their power.

(This is my very own custom fabricated Giggle-Maker 2010)

And Versions 2004 & 2006 are seen above.

I love sharing these moments with my kiddos and they breathe life into my day. In talking to IM today, she was marveling at the fact that we'll be preggo this time next month and I can't wait to pass this feeling on to them!!!!! It's simply amazing to me that I, being just an ordinary girl, get to be part of this wonderfully extraordinary process. I feel blessed that E&J have entrusted this role to me and I thank them for their faith in me. Did I mention Dr. C remarked, once again, at how great my uterus is? Color me proud, but those are his words, not mine. :) Everything is working out so smoothly and I cannot wait to be in Dallas! (I really need to get through some books so that I can read the wonderful Diana Gabaldon novel, An Echo in the Bone while on bedrest! 3 whole days of Jamie and Claire, uninterrupted. Pinch me, I must be dreaming!)

I take my last Estrace and Provera tonight and wait for one last AF (and she is NOT allowed back until next summer!!) and continue with the Lupron. I start back on the Estrace on July 28th and we have an ultrasound on August 4th to check lining again.

27 days people!!!!! Less than a month!! Let's get knocked up!!!

Just a Spoonful of Sugar (Helps the Medicine Go Down)

I got meds today!!!!! Yup, they shipped me a little box of Lupron and Progesterone!! This feels SO REAL now!!!! I start Lupron tomorrow (and not Friday like I thought!). I also started Provera yesterday for my mock cycle. I can't take the oral tablets for the real cycle, but this will show us how my body will handle the drugs.

Aren't they B-E-A-UTIFUL folks!?!? (The Lupron is in the fridge. I took a picture of it, but it didn't show up for some reason, and I was too lazy to go pull it out again)
Now, those of you that know me know I hate needles. Hate, hate, hate them and I get rather queasy at the thought of them. I don't know that a spoonful of vodka would help them go down (For the record....vodka's not allowed after transfer!!) There are literally hundreds of shots to be taken with each cycle. Some of them are small like the Lupron shot and some are larger like the Progesterone in Olive Oil shots. I'm a little sweaty even posting those pictures. Why would I subject myself to repeated stabbings in the hips you ask? For E&J and their baby. Sure, I'm gonna bruise...and I'm going to get knots. I knew all of this going in. There will probably be days that I cringe and it might take me an hour to get that needle in, but I will do it because it is one of the most important parts of this process. These drugs "trick" the body into thinking it is pregnant and allows the embryo(s) to grow big and strong and "stick." It's a carefully calculated process and must be followed to the letter. So, I will overcome my dislike of needles for my new friends and their dream. I feel that at the end of this, I will be satisfied if I never see another needle again, but maybe I will no longer have sweaty palms at the thought of a syringe? (Ironic as this is, I had epidurals with all 3 of my children and didn't hesitate to let them stick this in my spine!!! OMG, I almost threw up searching for those pictures!! haha)

The reason I share my scare of needles with you is to make you aware of what this process is. It isn't "easy money" and it isn't a quick trip to the doc to get knocked up and then laying around eating ice cream for 9 months. My IPs have so much invested in this, in me. I refuse to let them down and so, speed bump that it is, it is a small and surmountable one. I also share this to let those of you who are wanting to be a surrogate know about as many aspects of surrogacy (or my journey, at least) as I can share. Fear and apprehension are some of the things that go along with it...just like most things in life that are worth pursuing!

Against All Odds (Take A Look At Me Now)

So, it's not quite that dramatic, but we have overcome some pretty nice obstacles to get to this point. We are one month and four days away from our transfer!!! :) The ultrasound tech/doc took another look at my loverly lining and it was around 11cms. That's a good number apparently!! My morning and evening Estrace is working quite nicely. :) I am learning that I'm still having to stay on top of the NC at the RE's office. I called her twice to confirm my ultrasound appt. and she said she had it written down. I got to the imaging center and they didn't have doc's orders, which they are a stickler for, and it was after 5. I live in a small town, so it wasn't as if I could go the next day and the next week was out because I'm the only one in the office in my dept. all this week. So, I text my other contact there, she says she'll try in the morning. That won't do so I call the call center and get them to page Dr. C since they'll take a verbal authorization/order and I feel like a tool for doing this, but I just simply cannot afford to have this cycle messed up. IM and IF are counting on me and I did tell IM we were a team...so, I did my Hail Mary (and please don't tell me if I used the football analogy the wrong way! haha) play and Dr. C, great Doc that he is, calls it in a few minutes later and I'm one with my ultrasound and the rest of my evening of dinner and a movie with friends! (Eclipse, in case you were wondering.....swoon at Jacob/Taylor Lautner....and yes, I realize that makes me a cougar although I'm told I have 5 years left until I am really one...I can't help it! I really wish they would make him put his shirt back on!)

I should be getting a nice box of meds this week. I start Loopy Lupron this week (Friday) and then we're on countdown until the transfer. I need to get a couple of things ordered for my trip and then I'll be ready to head to Dallas and get knocked up! :)

I haven't written about the weight loss aspect of this journey in a while but I'm proud to say that I'm down a couple of pounds. It's not really that much of an achievement unless you consider not gaining part of the success. Add 2 weeks of bloat-causing hormones to that and it actually is a nice notch in my belt...I've been going to the gym and walking/jogging to try and keep off any IVF weight gain. I certainly cannot be any heavier at transfer, but at this rate, I'll be a little lighter! :) I'm coming into this pregnancy 15 lbs. lighter than I was going into my last and being that it ended in February, I'm fine with those numbers.

So, all in all, things are going well. The IPs have all kinds of crazy things going on with their lives such as moving, school, work, etc. so they've had their plates pretty full these past few weeks. Luckily, they have Wonder Surro on their side!

I Got a Feeling

Happy dance, happpy dance
No ants in my pants
Happy dance, happy dance
Watch how I prance

Happy dance, happy dance
Boogie on down
Happy dance, happy dance
All over this town

Happy dance, happy dance
Our contract's finally here
Happy dance, happy dance
Our time is drawing near!

Today's the day!! We got final contracts and I went to print them out and wouldn't you know we ran out of paper!!!! Seriously?!?!? LOL Oh well, I will print them at work, Al's taking off tomorrow because our poor little guy is sick, and we'll get them signed and notarized. (It's handy having notaries all over your office!)

I cannot believe it! (Said in Quincy's "Little Einstein"'s voice-you probably have to be a mom to know it) It's silly to get excited over 37 pages of paper (yes, 37 pages of lawyer speak!) but we've been working for nearly a month on getting this done and it's a great accomplishment. Those of you that hung in there and waited with us...consider this practice for the 2ww! :) I will be a mess by then!

Can it be that we just started this journey a month ago, today? I placed an ad on SMO and E responded. I sent an email back through my phone while on vacation at the beach house from hell! :) It seems as if we've known each other for longer than that. I feel incredibly blessed to have this bond with E&J already (although moreso with E since we girls are such talkers!) Not everyone gets that during their surrogacy journey (and not everyone wants that) but it was really important to me that we be close. I respect any IPs that need their privacy afterwards (although I'm secretly thrilled that E&J want me to be sort of aunt-like figure!) but it warms my heart to know that I'll get to see their baby hit his/her milestones! What a special privelege!

Tomorrow, I will call the nurse coordinator (NC) and finalize the remainder of our schedule for the mock cycle and the actual cycle/transfer. (or, at least finalize as much as you can with this sort of thing!) My birthday's 2 months from today. To think that I could be drawing the "big beta" number that day...wow. Did I mention I'm excited? I think that's how E and I began and ended every conversation for the past 3 weeks. "I'm so excited!!!" I began thinking of synonyms for excited: thrilled, stoked, can't wait, enthusiastic, filled with anticipation...nothing says it better than excited though. :) It's as if it's Christmas and the tree's up, the presents are wrapped and my hands itch to tear the shimmering paper. It's all I can do to not stop everyone I meet and say, "Hey! Did you know I'll be getting pregnant in August!! You see, they place two tiny little embryos in my loverly uterus...hey wait, where are you going???"

So, we wait for August. Until then...enjoy this song.

Hurt So Good

Estrace is one of the IVF drugs used and I started this nifty little drug on day 3 of my cycle. 2mg in the morning and 2mg in the evening. I have a reminder on my phone that goes off at 8AM and 8PM to help me keep on track. I have a feeling as we start to add to the meds schedule, it'll help me remember what to do when. So far, the only side effect I have had is a little nausea. I have read that it can cause increased libido, headaches, dizziness, sleepiness, hyperness and myriad other symptoms. I'm hoping to only get the good ones. :) The past 2 days, I've started feeling sick about 3PM. Nothing terrible, but I did notice it was better when I nibbled on something. Maybe that's where the weight comes from during cycling! :) I had my ultrasound on Thursday and that seemed to go well. The NC is back in the office today so I chatted with her a bit and we're on schedule for an August transfer.

In other news, we're getting the last of the details worked out in our contracts. I'm waiting for IPs' lawyer's "Final Copy" to forward to my lawyer and hopefully, that will be the end of it and we can sign!

At Last...

She's not my love, but she's come along...break out the fine china, put out the decorative soaps, hang the guest towels, brew a pot of tea because she's here!! AF has arrived and we'll be entertaining her this week. :)

Sonogram of my lady bits today. Always a fun time. Wouldn't it be funny to vajazzle before an ultrasound? Imagine the look!!!

I can't think of a song for this...don't think I want to!

I'm waiting for AF to arrive...TMI, I know, but you're probably going to get a lot more than that if you stick around for the entirety of this blog. On day 3 of my cycle, I start Estrace and I get a sonogram of my lady bits. So, the one month I need to be on a perfect schedule and have a normal 26 day cycle, of course, I don't! So, I made many, many calls to see if I should cancel the sonogram, yes, no, yes, and so I did only to find out that I should've kept it, oops, and it had been filled already in the 2 hrs since I had cancelled. Ugh. So, I had to find another facility to reschedule and score, they have a Thursday opening so I had to bug the NC's sub who was out today and get her to fax a doctor's order to get the appointment. Whew! An hour, and 20 phone calls later, done and done! :) It wasn't that I minded so much, but I was stressed that I wouldn't get a replacement sonogram and I'd mess everything up!! (IM has told me to stop being a perfectionist and stop stressing b/c that's probably why she hasn't come yet.) haha! She's probably right! I even wore a white skirt today thinking I would be tempting her, but alas, no AF! Oh well, now I know the sonogram can be anytime this week so I'm not so worried.

And now, a little verbal medley to sate your musical appetites...this is an email I sent to my IM after I told her I'd cancelled the appointment in error. Set to the tune of the 12 days of Christmas. Enjoy!

On the 24th of June my surrogate gave to me…..an ultrasound of her vajajay!

12 What have I done’s
11 Crap, let me call hers
10 she’s not in the offices
9 they’re in a meetings
8 voice mail messages
7 call backs later
6 rescheduling sonograms
Fiiiiiive quicky emails………
4 wishful thinkings
3 I hope this works
2 call-ins to God
And an ultrasound of her va-jay-jay

And the sonogram is set for Thursday!

I'm So Excited...

I think this picture is totally appropriate as all of this waiting makes me anxious to get pregnant! I talk to IM almost every other day or so. We talk about what this journey will be like. We talk of hopes and dreams and calendars and schedules. And so, I wait for lawyers to do their thing. It's a bit like a tennis match with volleys back and forth only there is sometimes a lag on one side. Doesn't make the game any less exciting, but the anticipation of bouncing the ball back into the other side's court provides quite the burst of adrenaline now and then. It's so much nicer this time. There haven't been any surprises...just some legal clarification of terms and stipulations. I have to say, I do grow tired of the contracts stage and am anxious to move on to more "fun" things like picking out green nail polish for the transfer! :)

I am due to start Aunt Flo (AF) on Monday. I'm supposed to be doing a mock cycle sometime soon and I think the Nurse Coordinator (NC) is supposed to be ordering me some Estrace and calling in some birth control pills? I question this because I haven't heard from her yesterday or today and she goes on vacation tomorrow, I believe. It's fine if I need to wait until she gets back, I just want to be sure I'm not messing up the dates for the cycle. This is all still pretty new to me and I'm not always sure of the time frames.

I do know that the Egg Donor (ED) and I have some scheduling issues on the same weekend so we opted to push back the transfer for a little bit. I think the last date I heard was August 16th (correction...17th). Sounds like a good day to me.

The Chicken Dance

I've never had the chicken pox. Never. I managed to get German Measles when I was in Elementary School though, so I'm immune to that (and so are my kiddos). I don't know if this immunity extends to surro babies though?

Anyway, during my last pregnancy, my OB told me I should get vaccinated against Chicken Pox after I deliver as it's much harder on the body as an adult. I figured I'd get around to it, but it hadn't occured to me until today. Oh crap. I should've gotten this right after Hadley was born. I did a little Googling and it seems that the CDC doesn't want you to get pregnant until 1 month after vaccination (some places on the web say 3 months, but others said 1 month). I have a little less than 2 months before we start trying to get pregnant. Should I get the vaccination? The way I understand it, if I get Chicken Pox while pregnant, it hasn't been proven to have any effects on the baby, but that doesn't mean there aren't any ill effects. I guess I will call IM and the RE's office and find out if I should get that or not.

In other news...Al finally got his bloodwork done today. He said they took 6 vials and he kind of got a little giddy due to lack of blood at the end. Silly boy. They had to run to Houston to get the kit he needed so it took a few extra days.

I got a haircut. It has nothing to do with surrogacy, but it does deal with me so I'm blogging about it. :) I really like it! It's my first haircut in a year. Seriously. The hairdresser was really impressed by how healthy my hair is. I wanted to reply with, "If you think that's healthy, you should see my...." well, you know. :D Loverly, just loverly.

Happy Together

Well, things with the new IPs are going quite well! We talked all last week and IM, the kids and I did a video chat and it was great to "see" IM on camera. I got contracts last week and went over things with a fine tooth comb. I sent IM some revisions/requests that I would like to have made and she called back and said it was all fine! YAY! We're making progress.

Another thing IM asked was how I felt about a birthing center and natural birth. My first instinct was to say, "not for me," but I admit to a certain curiousity about the whole experience, so I answered with a, "let me think about it." I'm now doing some research, talking to people and awaiting a video regarding a "crunchier" birth experience. I mentioned going natural to Al and he kind of laughed. He knows I don't tolerate pain well...I had epidurals, nice, sweet, epidurals with my 3 kiddos. What makes me think I can do this without them? Other than women being born to give birth...maybe something in me is secretly wondering if I've missed out on something by not going natural? So, I've decided to seriously consider it and look into my options. I did Google birthing centers near me and the first one I came across was this one: Birthing Center

It looks rather snazzy! Definitely a place with a homey touch and a tub to boot! I am going to see what I need to do as far as insurance and if this will be an option for me. I wish it was a little closer, so I'm going to keep looking into it.

In other news, I had my phone interview with the psychologist today. Turns out, I'm crazy enough to do this, but not insane "crazy." Good to know! :) I called IM and let her know that I was going to complete the MMPI by mail (per the psychologist's request). IM said she feels so good about the match and the phone interview that she is asking the psychologist just to skip that part. I'm glad IM trusts me so much already as a lot of surrogacy is based on trust-but I wouldn't blame anyone that would want their surro to complete it. You definitely want to use any tools you can to help determine if the person that is going to carry your child is sane.

We're hoping to get contracts done by the end of the week. After revisions are made, we will let the lawyers review and then we'll just wait for Aunt Flo (AF) who is due to arrive on the 21st. We'll then do our mock cycle and start Birth Control (BC) simultaneously. Lupron will follow shortly after, then the transfer should occur around August 3rd & 4th. It'll depend on when the Egg Donor (ED) is ready for the egg retrieval. We will do 5 day embryos so I'll fly up to Dallas then.

It's a little less than 2 months away, but I cannot believe how quickly it's all falling into place! Here's to a smooth journey.

Loverly

Dr. Chantilis said my uterus was "lovely...just lovely and the way it should be" and that I was "one of the best candidates he's ever seen." Well, pin a rose on my nose...er, um, womb? Gimme something cause this babymaker's rocking!! :) The hysteroscopy went well and we got some blood drawn. The flight to Dallas was fine and the flight back wasn't too shabby either, if a little on the long side due to some thunderstorms. We flew around it via the air over San Antonio and made our arrival safe and 1 hour late. Two wrong turns later, I was stuck in Houston traffic for about 15 mins. but the Highway out of Houston wasn't too congested so I made it home in no time and proceeded to wait at CVS for 30 mins in line before finding out my Rx hadn't been called in yet. Poop. I headed home to await our company and then the nurse called and said she had called in my Rx and I could get it tomorrow. (I have to take an antibiotic for the hoo-hoo wand they stuck up inside of me). Dang! I should've asked for pictures! Oh well. It's interesting to see your insides...or "your junk" as my IM likes to call it! haha. (And yes, I'm calling her my IM because we're working on icky, but necessary, contracts!!!!! YAY!! Yes, yes, I've already got a lawyer picked out...No, really this time!) Anyhoo, they put a camera up in your goods and the doc said everything was just loverly. He didn't sing it like Eliza did, but in my head, I hummed the rest of the appointment.

On to the next step. Al has to get bloodwork drawn to make sure he's not part werewolf or something and starting next cycle, I get on the pill and do a mock cycle and then I should start Lupron around the 3rd week of June and egg retreival from the Egg Donor (ED) should be around the 28th of JULY (not June-thanks Heather). This clinic does 5 day embryos so I'll likely transfer around the 3-4th of August!!! What a great month to get knocked up! (It's my birthday month). A Big Fat Positive (BFP) is all I want for my birthday this year!!! (unless you're Al and reading this....in that case, I want a Kindle-is it too much to ask for a pink one?)

Before we can go through that, we've gotta get contracts in place. We all know what significance I place in contracts now, so that will take some time to make sure I'm good and ready to sign before I put pen to paper. Given that I've actually gotten to talk to the IM and ask her lots and lots of question, I expect this part will go a lot more smoothly.

On to my IPs...they've given me the green light to share a little about them. Woohoo! Introducing......E&J, my IM & IF. We're doing a webcam call tomorrow night. Sadly, Al will be watching the 'stros lose. Haha. So, we'll have to do it again another day so he can partake, but the kids and I will be ready to video chat with our new IPs. They are in New Mexico, but IF is from Austin so it's okay, they're part Texan. *grin* They have had a little over a 2 year journey so far and it's their time to shine. The plan is to meet them at transfer and then IF will likely attend as many of the appointments with me as he can as this will be the first child for him. I'm so excited! Everytime I talk to IM, it just re-affirms my decision to proceed on with this couple. I feel really good about it all. (I am still feeling little pangs of guilt at not being able to continue with the first couple, but I need to keep reminding myself that they'll find the right surro and it'll happen for them too...if a cow can have 4 stomachs, how come I can't have four loverly uteri?)

So, I'm one step closer to being a surro. It's really happening y'all! :) My dream's coming true.

If You're Ever Down in Dallas...

So, the lyrics don't fit the situation this time, but I AM going to Dallas! I spoke with a new set of IPs over the weekend (well, really just the IM) and while we were just chatting to feel things out, we really hit it off! We're going on to the next step of me going to the clinic to see if the RE (Reproductive Endocronologist) will work with me and doing a hysteroscopy to see if I am a good home for some little embryos. I'm really excited and hoping that it all works out. I already know that I have to lose a minimum of 10 lbs. to work with this clinic. Ideally, they want me to lose 25 (and I want me to lose 25 too! Everybody wins!) So, I really need to kick up the cardio and burn some fat. To the gym, to the gym to the gym I go...

Anyway, I fly to Love Field in Dallas tomorrow morning, hail a cab, do my appointment, hail another cab, grab some lunch (at the airport, I guess?) and then fly back to Houston by 3:30.

I'll fly up there for the transfer, too, if it all works out well but I'll be staying for a little while. I'm hoping my BFF can come up there with me since she's done with school for the moment. It'll depend on when we would transfer :)

Blurry

I decided to cut ties with the agency and thus, the IPs. It sucks. It really, really, really sucks b/c they have to start over and they'll probably never really understand why I had to walk away but I just couldn't take that big of a risk. Basically, I was asked to forego lost wages in the event I was put on bedrest by my OB. It was too much of a financial risk for them because it could be a lot of money, which was exactly MY point. What if I was on bedrest for several months? The agency proposed that I pay it out of my comp. Let me assure you, I've talked to lawyers, surrogates, IPs, other agencies....no one...I mean not one person felt like this was a good idea and they all said the same thing. "Run. Run fast. Run away while you still can." So, I followed my gut and now I am starting from square one. A much more experienced square one, but a disheartened square one. I'm trying to look forward and not let this affect my enthusiasm for surrogacy, and it won't be a permanent damper, I know...but it did bum me out.

So, my many new surro buddies over on the SMO boards have given me more than I can handle when it comes to new avenues to pursue and I am completely grateful to have so many "strangers" care enough to spend time helping me look and pointing me in the right direction. It's been a strangely warm comfort to know I have their support. I still very much want to help the right couple create their family. So, I press on, but for now, I need to sleep so I can get up and exercise away the 4 lbs. I need to lose to meet the BMI requirements for some agencies. (In truth, this is a little bit of a joke because said agencies have told me 4 lbs. doesn't make it or break it, but alas, the truth remains that it is 4 lbs. I still need to lose. For me.)

Weekend at the beach house with friends. Can't wait!

No songs, just a post...

It's with a heavy heart that I told the agency I could not proceed with the contract we signed as I learned some new things and I realized the way it was written right now could potentially place a huge financial strain on my family if I was put on bedrest. I didn't get into surrogacy to make a lot of money, I did it to help someone make a family and it was a huge perk that you could actually get compensation from it. The way the contract's written right now, I could stand to PAY money if I'm on bedrest for more than a few weeks...this is not something I can do to my family, much as I want to help these IPs have their baby. I've cried so much about this already...I feel like I've let these people down and I agonized over it all day before deciding that going forward would not have been fair to anyone involved.

There is a slim chance that they will be agreeable to changing the contract, but at this point, I don't forsee them wanting to do that. It breaks my heart. You get attached so quickly.

More than Words

A contract's more than words....it's an agreement, a promise, terms you agree upon and it's a statement of your intentions to do certain things. A contract is hard to change once you've already signed and agreed upon it.

Be warned that you should not let your enthusiasm for being matched with IPs that are great make you look through your contract too quickly and think that "everything's fine" the way it is. Honestly, my contract is pretty much fine...there was just one thing that I should've brought up before signing and now, I fear, that I've caused my IM lots of grief because I tried to change it after we'd already signed, sealed, delivered...

I definitely didn't do this to manipulate or hurt anyone, I just thought it was something that wouldn't be that big of a deal, and it likely won't become one, but if it does arise, I will need to be prepared to abide by the contract. Out of respect for the IPs, I'm not going to elaborate on the situation, because they are being fair and understanding about it all and honestly, it was my fault for not noticing it in the first place, but I just hope I didn't ruin my IM's week by causing waves.

I guess this is a lesson to be learned. I trust that God will take care of it all and that it won't even be an issue. I just hate to cause conflict, even friendly conflict!

So, I'm waiting to hear from the IPs to see if they still want to go forward. There will be no hard feelings if they don't, but I will admit that I'll be a little bummed.