Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Short and Sweet Update

It's been a while since I've updated. I didn't intend to be so lax but time certainly does march on with or without you. We've have 3 more ultrasounds since our visit to the ER and in each one but the last, baby B had been growing and had a stronger heartbeat. The last ultrasound, on March 24th (my IM's birthday) revealed to us that Baby A was to be a singleton and E&J's precious baby B had stopped growing. It was a heavy day for our hearts but we knew that it was always a possibility. After we shed our tears for baby B, we moved on to focusing on that perfect remaining baby that had always thrived and began to celebrate his/her progress.

Since this is a surrogacy blog, I will share some of my feelings here so that other surrogates or those pursuing surrogacy can see what this part is like. Laying on the table and watching the sonographer talk about baby A was wonderful. I knew that no matter what, E&J would have a sweet, healthy baby but I could see that baby B's sac was not getting any larger. When she told me that there was no heartbeat, my own heart felt like it had stopped b/c I immediately felt so bad for E&J. We always have them on speakerphone for the ultrasounds and even though we had prepared, mentally, my heart was not ready to ready to hear it. I felt like I had disappointed them, let them down, that my body was somehow at fault or that I had messed up all of their dreams. Logically, I knew that there was nothing I could've done or not done to cause it, but regardless, they had placed their "eggs" in my "basket" and it was my job to grow them. I felt so sad. I gave E&J a little time to take it in and talk and later that morning, E called me back and I asked how she was. When I heard that she was dealing with it okay, I was able to breathe a little easier and start to feel a little less at fault. E assured me that she was so thankful for what I was doing and they knew I had given that baby the best chance and that meant the world to me. This is not something I take lightly and even though this is not my baby, I still feel as protective as ever of his/her well-being and responsible for whatever happens.

So, they are happy and thankful to be expecting a little bundle of joy in October. This will make the pregnancy less risky, the singleton will have a much better chance of being born full-term and without a trip to the NICU and of course, this will be less stress on my body which cannot be overlooked. Surrogates sign up for myriad things and we accept these risks. It is always nice to have a nice "boring" 9 months, however. :)

We have our first OB appointment on April 11th and my last shot is tonight! It is hard to believe that I am already 25% done with this pregnancy! I am eagerly awaiting that gender-revealing ultrasound to see if our suspicions are correct. :) (We are thinking pink!)

4 comments:

Surrogate, Single Parent and Dating... said...

so sorry you had to go thru that, but glad to know the other baby is healthy and growing!! Hang in there girl.

momof4 said...

I'm also sorry that you and your IP's had to go through that. It sounds like E&J are great people and you all are moving forward with the healthy little one.

I am glad you said you had them on speaker phone. We are having our first ultrasound next week to find out if we have one or two little ones growing... My IF's are in Norway and I called ahead to the US clinic asking if we can record on dvd or with a phone, but I think maybe having them just on the phone listening would be better.

Hope the last shot wasn't too bad! I'm hopefully right behind you!:)

Jesse said...

So sorry :( Hang in there!!

ws.d said...

Thank you for sharing your experiences of surrogacy!
Help us to promote awareness of surrogacy through World Surrogacy Day on 4th November 2011...
http://world-surrogacy-day.org